Photo by alleksana from Pexels I don’t know how to start this post. I've written and rewritten the first sentence a dozen times. Every time I sit down to write this, I hesitate. Is it a rash decision? Am I making a mistake? No, I know this is what I need to do, and this…
I’m Sorry I Can’t Adult Right Now
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels Should we take bets on whether or not I get this done and post it online? It’s anyone’s guess, and the odds are evenly split. I don’t even know what I’m going to say or why I’m saying anything at all. Write an entire post with words that make sense? …
A Very Taurus Thing To Say
Photo by Pixabay from Pexels It’s my birthday today! Correction, by the time you read this, it will have been, gone, and went. Bye-bye, see you next time. Keep walking. Go on, a little further. Further. More. No, you’re still not far enough. Go another eight kilometres, turn left, and f**k right off. Birthdays, they…
Three And A Half Minutes
Photo by Pixabay from Pexels It’s a silly little thing that seems so trivial. If I’m being objective, there’s a chance that it’s completely immaterial. Am I making a thingy out of a what-cha-ma-call-it? Quite possibly, but that’s what we do here. Dance with life’s curiosities until the night grows old and our bones grow…
A Twisted Act Of Love
Photo by Clara from Pexel I feel like I’m walking through a daydream, and I really need it right now. The sun is shining, and that's a bit of a surprise. Moments ago, the clouds were heavy, and thunder shook the sky. I bit my lip and waited for the lighting, but there wasn’t a…
A Green Light Kinda Day
Photo by Willian Luiz from Pexels I need to shake off the fog and reignite something that resembles a giddy-up, so I’m going to do something out of character. I’m going to actively seek out the good and blatantly ignore the rest. Fingers in ears, hum a song from The Greatest Showman and stare straight…
A Writer Versus A Week Of Silence
Photo by kira schwarz from Pexels I tried, I really did, but the more effort I gave it, the worse it got. Words felt thick, heavy, yet hollow. Thoughts refused to form, and when they relented, it was gutless. They had no heart, feeling, or anything worth sharing. My fingers moved slowly across the keyboard as if they…
Willy Wonka Eat Your Heart Out
Photo by Karley Saagi from Pexels Spring is in full effect, which means, where I live, the grey clouds are heavy, and their payload crashes down like waves against a cliff. It’s wet, muddy, and I could take a bath in the puddles. Would it be unreasonable to take a bottle of shampoo outside, wash, rinse, and repeat…
Let The Fuckening Begin
Photo by Kourosh Qaffari from Pexels The words are on the tips of my fingers, but I don’t want to jinx it. Not that I believe in such things. Well, I don’t think I believe in them. Then again, I have to acknowledge a simple truth. There’s more going on in the universe than I can fathom. It…
What If This Is The Simulation?
Photo by Sergey Katyshkin from Pexels Okay, this will be a weird one but hear me out. I’m sure I’ll have a point to make by the end. Well, I hope there’s a point to this. Right now, all I have is a silly flight of fancy. It's a whimsical notion that has an ounce of reason, a…
A Writer In Wonderland
Photo by MoldyVintage Photo from Pexels It’s a lazy day so let’s see where this goes. Do I have any ideas? Nope. Do I have anything to say? Absolutely not. Will that shut me up and send me back to bed? Nah, I’ve got too many thoughts buzzing around my head. As much as I’d like to nap,…
Is This Who We Want To Be?
Photo by Pixabay from Pexels There’s been a bubble of anger sitting in the pit of my stomach for a few weeks. I’m trying to ignore it because it isn't helpful. There’s nothing I can do about the root cause of this emotion. The issue is bigger than one person, and I don’t know if there’s an easy…
A Little Black Rain Cloud
Photo by Aleksandar Pasaric from Pexels There are a lot of thoughts, feelings, and contradictions bouncing around in my brain. They’re all vying for an ounce of attention, but they won’t give me a chance to think. Shut up, let me figure this out. Just, shush! Is one louder than the others? Hm, perhaps the voice screaming, I’m…
When One Story Ends
Photo by Tobias Bjørkli from Pexels I don’t think it’s a unique thought to have. We’ve all, at some point in our lives, wondered about it. The depth and severity might vary, but it’s a very human thing to ponder. At least, I assume it is, but you know what they say about assumptions. In an attempt to…
So, That Voice In Your Head?
Photo by Arthur Brognoli from Pexels The sun had set, and twilight was starting to fade. Darkness was rolling in, and with it came the fog. It was chilly, damp, and brr. However, after nearly two weeks of quarantine, it felt amazing. More than that, it felt like I could literally and metaphorically breathe again. I was finally…
Pity Party For One
Photo by CDC from Pexels I’m going to start this with two simple words: I tried. I really did. There was a lot of dodging and weaving. I ducked and covered. Well, mostly covered because it’s required and, well, science. I wouldn’t call myself a master of combat. I wouldn’t compare my stealth to that of the majestic…
Pressure Like A Drip
Photo by MART PRODUCTION from Pexels It was an unfortunate decision that I regret immensely. Well, no, that’s being dramatic. It’s more of a moderate discomfort that left me with a disturbing thoughts and feelings. What was I thinking? I knew it would be a mistake before I did it. Did that stop me? No, it did not.…
Do You Believe In Magic?
Photo by RODNAE Productions from Pexels I don’t know how I did it or what I did exactly, but I’ve injured my back. The reason I’m telling you this isn’t sympathy or something more vulgar like woe is me. As pitiful as I might feel, I respectfully request that all pity be reserved for small animals in shelters…
Respectfully,2021, F**k Off
Photo by olia danilevich from Pexels Do I say it? Should I risk it? The words are traditional, and tis the season, after all. It would be rude if I didn’t do it, but it feels incredibly reckless. Recklessly optimistic, and I might be a little too gun shy for something like that. Oo, I should say it,…
So This Is Christmas
Photo by Olya Kobruseva from Pexels By the time you read this, Christmas will be a memory. I’ll be curled up on my couch, chastising myself for eating so much and thinking about leftovers. The post-festive haze will have set in, and I’ll be incapable of completing a single thought. Ah, yes, blissed out and lost in a…
A Little Bit Of Normal
Photo by Jiarong Deng from Pexels I did a thing, and it felt a little strange. More than that, it felt kind of wrong in a weird sort of way. It wasn’t bad! I didn't break any laws. It wasn't anything dramatic. It was actually a simple thing that should be normal. It used to be the most…
Oh What A Glorious Feeling!
Photo by Tim Gouw from Pexels When I was a kid, there was no better feeling than waking up, and seeing a blanket of snow on the ground. I’d jump out of bed and run downstairs to the tv room. There would be a bubble of giddy excitement and the kind of hope only a child can muster.…
Oh No, My Brain, It’s Broken
Photo by Сергей Катышкин from Pexels Tragedy befell me this morning, and I may never recover. If I do? I’ll never be the same again. Oh, the horror, the heartbreak, the over-dramatization. Fine, it wasn’t that bad. In the grand scheme of my mortal existence, it was a minor inconvenience at best. However, in the wee hours of…
When The Water Rises
Photo by Johannes Plenio from Pexels In what might be the biggest understatement I can muster, it’s been a hell of a couple weeks here in British Columbia, Canada. We received a month's worth of rain in forty-eight hours. Levees broke as creeks turned into rivers, and rivers became lakes. Cities had to be evacuated, lives were lost,…
I Don’t Mean To Yell But…
Photo by Dziana Hasanbekava from Pexels There’s only one thing people are talking about right now. All conversations start with the same question, and it spirals from there: Have you looked outside? The weather, it’s madness, isn’t it? Can you believe it? Better stay inside until it passes. If it passes. Damn, this weather, right? We’ve been hit…
And Time Stopped
Photo by Johannes Plenio from Pexels I woke up Saturday morning, rolled over in bed, and opened one eye. The curtains were cracked wide enough to get a glimpse of the outside world, and what I saw made me groan with disappointment. Heavy, dark grey clouds hung low in the sky. The wind sent pellets of rain into…
A Pleasant Sadness
Photo by Aline Nadai from Pexels The wind is howling, the rain is bucketing down, and I’m snuggled under a fluffy blue blanket. There’s a fire flickering in the fireplace— where else would it be, doh— and I’m overwhelmed by a lazy nostalgia. Silly memories are popping up out of nowhere. Some are so obscure…
The Fragility Of Hope & Goldfish
Photo by Pixabay from Pexels Am I the only one who has a love/hate relationship with hope? Or is it a love to hate kinda thing? Either way, we see its value and appreciate its place in the human experience. If nothing else, it’s like a warm blank and a hot cup of tea on a stormy day.…
What If It’s Not That Bad?
Photo by Ray Bilcliff from Pexels Summer days were winding down, and there were storm clouds on the horizon. It was the last hurrah for a lot of people and a long-overdue one for me. How long had I talked about coming here? Months! All summer, in fact, but it turned out to be a no good, horrible…
Something Happy This Way Comes
Photo by Andre Furtado from Pexels Something truly remarkable happened last week. Perhaps that’s a tad bit of an overstatement, but I was beginning to think it would never happen again. A relic of a lost age. A tradition of a bygone era. A story we tell future generations, and they say we’re just making stuff up. Put…
A Love Letter of Sorts
Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels My dearest friend, All I want to do is fix this situation, help you and make it all better. If only I could find the right words, but there are no words that will conjure up pure magic. There’s no place for what limited physical prowess I possess. There’s nothing I want…
I Feel Human Again
Photo by Anna Tarazevich from Pexels It’s a silly thing, really. I’m not usually the type of person who gets excited about this sort of thing. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, and I certainly don’t want to come across as some sort of a condescending jerk. If it’s your thing? All the joy to ya. I…
Love Is A Curious Thing
Photo by How Far From Home from Pexels This might be a strange thing to admit, but it’s not the craziest thing I’ve copped to on this space. There are three words I struggle to say to people outside of my immediate family. I think I experience the emotion behind these words, but I’m not entirely convinced. I…
I’ll Self-destruct In…
Photo by Prateek Katyal from Pexels I can guarantee you that I’ll make at least one crucial mistake before the day is over. Actually, I’ve already made it so, we’re off to a great start. I’m really selling myself, right? Thankfully I’m not marketing myself as a, uh…Lifestyle thingy? I almost typed another word that starts with a…
From Your Lips
Photo by Rodolfo Clix from Pexels Fun fact about me: I’m a bundle of contradictions. I’m an extroverted introvert in the right circumstances. I believe in God but rely heavily on science, logic, and reasoning that's firmly outside of traditional religion. I’m deeply spiritual, but I’m an extreme cynic. If there’s a reason to doubt, no matter how…
I Have No More F**ks To Give?
Photo by ATC Comm Photo from Pexels There’s this new term floating around. It’s one of those fancy media terms that looks good in a headline or tagged online. You’ve probably heard it too. It’s everywhere. It’s been on the news, trending on socials, and it’s in just about every article written about this pandoodle. No, I won’t…
But What Does It Feel Like?
Photo by Elina Krima from Pexels You asked, and I'm going to do my best to answer a difficult question. What does it feel like to have a mental illness? Whew, okay, let me take a deep breath and… I don’t know what to say right now. My mind is blank except for the hum of anxiety that…
So I Did A Thing
Photo by Anna Tarazevich from Pexels I did a thing I shouldn’t have done. I’m filled with regret, and I might’ve called myself an idiot several times. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What were you thinking? The devil made me…No, you can’t blame the devil for this one. He didn’t make you do it. You made a choice while in…
I Gotta Be Honest
Photo by Tim Mossholder from Pexels How about a moment of honesty and complete transparency? That should be fun and not at all awkward. One of these days I’ll learn to keep my mouth shut or my fingers still. One day, but today is not that day. Besides, I feel like I owe you a little bit of…
We’re Cowards & F**k Ups But At Least We Try
Photo by Saeeed Karimi from Pexels If there’s a way to screw a good thing up, I’m going to find it. Relationships, hobbies, new opportunities to move my life forward. It doesn’t matter what it is. As long as it has the potential to be good, then I’m going to f**k it up. I don’t mean to do…
On The Edge Of Mount Doom
Photo by Izaac Elms from Pexels Do you ever feel like your brain has been thrown into a washer/dryer and put on an aggressive spin cycle? It’s not trying to get out deeply set stains or add extra fluff to the squishy bits. We’re not quickly warming up a blanket on a cold day. It’s scorching hot, erratic,…
There’s A Squirrel In My Brain
Photo by Tara Winstead from Pexels I think the title says it all. This one is going to be, well, I don’t know. Hold on to your toenails. It might get weird. As a general rule, if you have to ask if it's weird, it probably is, and that’s not a bad thing. As someone who identifies as…
Sensing A Memory
Photo by Suzy Hazelwood from Pexels Is there a perfect moment you want to relive? I’m not talking about the monumental events that are obvious. It’s the small ones that, at the time, don't seem significant. Those times come back at random moments, and you have to ask where they came from. Small, trivial, insignificant moments that you…
Five Little Words
Photo by Mikhail Nilov from Pexels *Trigger Warning: This post talks about suicidal thoughts. If you need help, please reach out. You are loved and you are needed.* There are things we’re not supposed to say out loud. Thoughts that we can’t voice because no one will understand. Certain ideations are so taboo that admitting we have them…
How’d I Get Here?
Photo by Andrew Neel from Pexels Have you ever arrived at your destination and thought, how’d I get here? It’s not amnesia, and you didn’t get conked on the head. Nothing dramatic happened. You got your things, grabbed your keys and walked out the door. The next thing you know, you’re walking into your target location. When you…
Oh No, I’m So High (Story time)
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels Wait, it’s not what it sounds like. Well, it is, but it isn’t. It was perfectly legal, and it was kind of an accident. Except, I didn’t trip and, oops, ingest something I shouldn’t. I made a choice based off of sound medical advice. The real problem was, I wasn’t prepared for the…
Crying Is Doing Something
Photo by Ellen Araujo from Pexels It's fair to say that I’m prone to fits of dramatic overstatements. You could accuse me of using exaggeration as punctuation, and there would be no argument. It’s true, I tend to be a little much sometimes, but this is not one of those times. In this case, I think it’s reasonable…
Abandon All Hope?
Photo by Buse Doa from Pexels It’s hard to see a way out. You might even say that it’s impossible so, why even try? I can hear the replies now. They’re the same ones I’ve heard a hundred times. Nothing is impossible if you have faith. Hope is never a fool's errand. Keep going, don’t give up because…
I Should’ve Be Offended
Photo by Wesley Carvalho from Pexels At least once a month, I have to go to an office and drop off some paperwork. It’s not typically the kind of thing I get excited about. Paperwork? Arg, it’s more like make-work, am I right? Grumble, curse, and irritably mumble under my breath. It’s the kind of thing that I…
So, What Do I Do About It?
Photo by MART PRODUCTION from Pexels I'm experiencing a reoccurring thought that’s a bit confusing and quite out of character. It’s new, and it came out of nowhere. There I was, minding my own business, and it felt like someone threw something at me. It hit me right between the eyes, and I was startled, to say the…
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