Photo by Сергей Катышкин from Pexels Tragedy befell me this morning, and I may never recover. If I do? I’ll never be the same again. Oh, the horror, the heartbreak, the over-dramatization. Fine, it wasn’t that bad. In the grand scheme of my mortal existence, it was a minor inconvenience at best. However, in the wee hours of…
When The Water Rises
Photo by Johannes Plenio from Pexels In what might be the biggest understatement I can muster, it’s been a hell of a couple weeks here in British Columbia, Canada. We received a month's worth of rain in forty-eight hours. Levees broke as creeks turned into rivers, and rivers became lakes. Cities had to be evacuated, lives were lost,…
I Don’t Mean To Yell But…
Photo by Dziana Hasanbekava from Pexels There’s only one thing people are talking about right now. All conversations start with the same question, and it spirals from there: Have you looked outside? The weather, it’s madness, isn’t it? Can you believe it? Better stay inside until it passes. If it passes. Damn, this weather, right? We’ve been hit…
And Time Stopped
Photo by Johannes Plenio from Pexels I woke up Saturday morning, rolled over in bed, and opened one eye. The curtains were cracked wide enough to get a glimpse of the outside world, and what I saw made me groan with disappointment. Heavy, dark grey clouds hung low in the sky. The wind sent pellets of rain into…
A Pleasant Sadness
Photo by Aline Nadai from Pexels The wind is howling, the rain is bucketing down, and I’m snuggled under a fluffy blue blanket. There’s a fire flickering in the fireplace— where else would it be, doh— and I’m overwhelmed by a lazy nostalgia. Silly memories are popping up out of nowhere. Some are so obscure…
The Fragility Of Hope & Goldfish
Photo by Pixabay from Pexels Am I the only one who has a love/hate relationship with hope? Or is it a love to hate kinda thing? Either way, we see its value and appreciate its place in the human experience. If nothing else, it’s like a warm blank and a hot cup of tea on a stormy day.…
What If It’s Not That Bad?
Photo by Ray Bilcliff from Pexels Summer days were winding down, and there were storm clouds on the horizon. It was the last hurrah for a lot of people and a long-overdue one for me. How long had I talked about coming here? Months! All summer, in fact, but it turned out to be a no good, horrible…
Something Happy This Way Comes
Photo by Andre Furtado from Pexels Something truly remarkable happened last week. Perhaps that’s a tad bit of an overstatement, but I was beginning to think it would never happen again. A relic of a lost age. A tradition of a bygone era. A story we tell future generations, and they say we’re just making stuff up. Put…
A Love Letter of Sorts
Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels My dearest friend, All I want to do is fix this situation, help you and make it all better. If only I could find the right words, but there are no words that will conjure up pure magic. There’s no place for what limited physical prowess I possess. There’s nothing I want…
I Feel Human Again
Photo by Anna Tarazevich from Pexels It’s a silly thing, really. I’m not usually the type of person who gets excited about this sort of thing. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, and I certainly don’t want to come across as some sort of a condescending jerk. If it’s your thing? All the joy to ya. I…
Love Is A Curious Thing
Photo by How Far From Home from Pexels This might be a strange thing to admit, but it’s not the craziest thing I’ve copped to on this space. There are three words I struggle to say to people outside of my immediate family. I think I experience the emotion behind these words, but I’m not entirely convinced. I…
I’ll Self-destruct In…
Photo by Prateek Katyal from Pexels I can guarantee you that I’ll make at least one crucial mistake before the day is over. Actually, I’ve already made it so, we’re off to a great start. I’m really selling myself, right? Thankfully I’m not marketing myself as a, uh…Lifestyle thingy? I almost typed another word that starts with a…
From Your Lips
Photo by Rodolfo Clix from Pexels Fun fact about me: I’m a bundle of contradictions. I’m an extroverted introvert in the right circumstances. I believe in God but rely heavily on science, logic, and reasoning that's firmly outside of traditional religion. I’m deeply spiritual, but I’m an extreme cynic. If there’s a reason to doubt, no matter how…
I Have No More F**ks To Give?
Photo by ATC Comm Photo from Pexels There’s this new term floating around. It’s one of those fancy media terms that looks good in a headline or tagged online. You’ve probably heard it too. It’s everywhere. It’s been on the news, trending on socials, and it’s in just about every article written about this pandoodle. No, I won’t…
But What Does It Feel Like?
Photo by Elina Krima from Pexels You asked, and I'm going to do my best to answer a difficult question. What does it feel like to have a mental illness? Whew, okay, let me take a deep breath and… I don’t know what to say right now. My mind is blank except for the hum of anxiety that…
So I Did A Thing
Photo by Anna Tarazevich from Pexels I did a thing I shouldn’t have done. I’m filled with regret, and I might’ve called myself an idiot several times. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What were you thinking? The devil made me…No, you can’t blame the devil for this one. He didn’t make you do it. You made a choice while in…
I Gotta Be Honest
Photo by Tim Mossholder from Pexels How about a moment of honesty and complete transparency? That should be fun and not at all awkward. One of these days I’ll learn to keep my mouth shut or my fingers still. One day, but today is not that day. Besides, I feel like I owe you a little bit of…
We’re Cowards & F**k Ups But At Least We Try
Photo by Saeeed Karimi from Pexels If there’s a way to screw a good thing up, I’m going to find it. Relationships, hobbies, new opportunities to move my life forward. It doesn’t matter what it is. As long as it has the potential to be good, then I’m going to f**k it up. I don’t mean to do…
On The Edge Of Mount Doom
Photo by Izaac Elms from Pexels Do you ever feel like your brain has been thrown into a washer/dryer and put on an aggressive spin cycle? It’s not trying to get out deeply set stains or add extra fluff to the squishy bits. We’re not quickly warming up a blanket on a cold day. It’s scorching hot, erratic,…
There’s A Squirrel In My Brain
Photo by Tara Winstead from Pexels I think the title says it all. This one is going to be, well, I don’t know. Hold on to your toenails. It might get weird. As a general rule, if you have to ask if it's weird, it probably is, and that’s not a bad thing. As someone who identifies as…
Sensing A Memory
Photo by Suzy Hazelwood from Pexels Is there a perfect moment you want to relive? I’m not talking about the monumental events that are obvious. It’s the small ones that, at the time, don't seem significant. Those times come back at random moments, and you have to ask where they came from. Small, trivial, insignificant moments that you…
Five Little Words
Photo by Mikhail Nilov from Pexels *Trigger Warning: This post talks about suicidal thoughts. If you need help, please reach out. You are loved and you are needed.* There are things we’re not supposed to say out loud. Thoughts that we can’t voice because no one will understand. Certain ideations are so taboo that admitting we have them…
How’d I Get Here?
Photo by Andrew Neel from Pexels Have you ever arrived at your destination and thought, how’d I get here? It’s not amnesia, and you didn’t get conked on the head. Nothing dramatic happened. You got your things, grabbed your keys and walked out the door. The next thing you know, you’re walking into your target location. When you…
Oh No, I’m So High (Story time)
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels Wait, it’s not what it sounds like. Well, it is, but it isn’t. It was perfectly legal, and it was kind of an accident. Except, I didn’t trip and, oops, ingest something I shouldn’t. I made a choice based off of sound medical advice. The real problem was, I wasn’t prepared for the…
Crying Is Doing Something
Photo by Ellen Araujo from Pexels It's fair to say that I’m prone to fits of dramatic overstatements. You could accuse me of using exaggeration as punctuation, and there would be no argument. It’s true, I tend to be a little much sometimes, but this is not one of those times. In this case, I think it’s reasonable…
Abandon All Hope?
Photo by Buse Doa from Pexels It’s hard to see a way out. You might even say that it’s impossible so, why even try? I can hear the replies now. They’re the same ones I’ve heard a hundred times. Nothing is impossible if you have faith. Hope is never a fool's errand. Keep going, don’t give up because…
I Should’ve Be Offended
Photo by Wesley Carvalho from Pexels At least once a month, I have to go to an office and drop off some paperwork. It’s not typically the kind of thing I get excited about. Paperwork? Arg, it’s more like make-work, am I right? Grumble, curse, and irritably mumble under my breath. It’s the kind of thing that I…
So, What Do I Do About It?
Photo by MART PRODUCTION from Pexels I'm experiencing a reoccurring thought that’s a bit confusing and quite out of character. It’s new, and it came out of nowhere. There I was, minding my own business, and it felt like someone threw something at me. It hit me right between the eyes, and I was startled, to say the…
It Was Just A Hug But…
Photo by RODNAE Productions from Pexels Something wonderful happened, and I can’t believe I’m using that descriptor. As I type these words, I’m overcome by shock, and I chuckle out loud. It’s one of those laughs that sounds a bit maniacal. It’s like I’m a villain in an old-timey cartoon, and I just confessed my sinister plan to…
So, What Will It Be?
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels Go with me on this for a minute or five. Picture yourself talking to your doctor, and they give you some news. It’s not great news. In fact, it borders on awful, but then they say that it’s a 50/50 split. We don’t know which way this will go or how it will…
Ten Seconds At A Time
Photo by Matej from Pexels Do you ever experience an acute awareness of the simple fact that you’re a person? That’s a weird question. Of course, we know, intellectually, that we’re human beings and that we actually live, breathe, and experience life on many different levels. There’s no reason to question that, is there? You and I exist…
Can I Think Myself Happy?
Photo by Binti Malu from Pexels I’ve been told that I need to think more positively, and it will change my life. You can’t hear it, but I just let out a scoffing laugh. Ha! Thanks for the helpful suggestion. I put it right next to all the other helpful advice. Like, let’s see here, drilling a hole…
I’m Definitely Not Going To Hell For This…?
Photo by Keenan Constance from Pexels Do you ever sit down to have a conversation, and then it takes an unexpected turn? It starts off nice and calm. It's actually pleasant and enjoyable. Then, without warning, you're wondering if hell is a real place, and if this is your one way ticket? Maybe you wonder out loud, how…
The Existential Bard
Photo by Ibolya Toldi from Pexels Do you think we’re all here for a reason? From conception, birth, and through all the years leading to this moment, was it all predestined? There’s a divine plan at play and, just like every good theatrical performance, every character matters. As the saying goes, there are no small parts, only small…
Are You Afraid Of The Dark?
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels *Warning: This one get’s weird* So, it’s well past midnight, and I need to go to bed. I’m tired, it’s been a long day, and I should curl under the covers and go to sleep. My eyes are closing on their own. I can barely concentrate on these words. I think my brain…
It’s Just One Of Those Days
Photo by Eva Elijas from Pexels I’ve tried to write today’s post three times, but every word feels wrong or it sounds like a lie. It’s not, not really, but it isn’t…something. That undefinable spark that tickles my mind and gives me a buzz. When the words flow, the ideas come, and it feels like tiny bolts of…
The Flutter-By Effect
Photo by Pixabay from Pexels I think, at some point, my friends and family will stop talking to me altogether. They’ll get annoyed, become guarded, and watch what they say around me. Neither of us knows which conversation or offhanded remark will inspire one of these posts. It’s a crapshoot, but here we go again. You’ve gone done…
215 & Counting
Photo by Brett Sayles from Pexels I’m taking a deep breath in and blowing it out slowly. My heart is incredibly heavy right now. My mind is trying to process the unfathomable, and the inexcusable. A tragedy was exposed but, it's something many have known, feared, for decades. Their voices have been silenced and ignored. It’s a painful…
As Long As I Keep Moving?
Photo by Jayant Kulkarni from Pexels If you’ve read some of my last few posts, then you know that I’ve been stuck in a mental fog. It's a storm that rages and then whimpers. There are times when I think it's clearing up, and I feel intense relief. Maybe I’ll finally get out of it for good? Well,…
Letting Myself Be Happy On A Grumpy Morning
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels We just had a long weekend here in Canada. It was Victoria Day or, if you’re in Quebec, Journée nationale des patriotes (or Fête des Patriotes). I had to look that up. I didn’t know French Canadians celebrated a different holiday so, I just learnt something. Yay, knowledge! It makes sense, I suppose. If…
Life’s Unfair And Then What?
Photo by jorien Stel from Pexels When was the first time you realized how bitterly unfair life was? That’s a chipper question. Nary a gloomy sentiment to be found. A touch of cynicism? Perish the thought. It’s a simple query to start your week off right and bright. So, how old were you when you realized that fairness…
Into The Fog Once More
Photo by João Cabral from Pexels I woke up an hour before my alarm and stared at the wall. It was too early to get up but too late to go back to sleep. I don’t understand people who hit the snooze button. How do you fall asleep so easily? And how do you sleep for ten minutes…
Taking Advice From A Couple Of Stoners
Photo by Marani Ceja from Pexels Last weekend, I was standing on my balcony, sipping a cuppa tea and half-listening to my neighbours have a chat. No, I wasn’t snooping or being noisy. They were quite exuberant and, by their second joint, extremely boisterous. They were inebriated but in a jolly sort of way. It was a happy…
Spoiler Alert: I Turned Left
Photo by Erik Mclean from Pexels After a few weeks stuck inside my 800 square foot apartment, I’m free to roam. I’m wearing clothes that weren't meant for sleeping— uh, ew— lacing up my shoes, leashing up my dog, and walking out my front door. Oh, the glorious freedom is sweet and delicious. The possibilities are endless. I’m…
Are You Screwing With Me?
Photo by Pixabay from Pexels Not to harp on the fact that I’ve been sick— it’s starting to sound a little woe is me, ew— but I’ve been unwell for a bit. I’m feeling so much better than I was, and every day I feel a little stronger. It will be over soon, and I can put this…
So, Who Do I Listen To?
Photo by Rakicevic Nenad from Pexels Ah, fresh air and sunshine. Is there anything better? The birds are chirping loudly in the trees. The smell of barbecues being lit for the first time in many months. A fresh breeze rustles the leaves. Walking a well-worn bath with your dog leading the way. As the song says, these are…
Can we take our what-ifs and turn them into why-nots?
Photo by Pixabay from Pexels A couple of weeks ago, I told you that I got food poisoning from a rogue avocado, that cad. I started to get better, and I was excited to sit on the deck, under the budding willow, basking in the spring sunshine. It was lovely, I was hopeful, so naturally, my body decided…
Sometime I Want To Be An Asshole
Photo by Elizaveta Dushechkina from Pexels Straight up, I’m way too passive-aggressive to be a complete asshole. All of my ass-like moments have been accidental or triggered by exhaustion and/or extreme hunger. I always feel horrible after the fact and spend way too much time apologizing because I’m not that person. Well, not on purpose, and I’ll try…
Stumbling Across Tranquillity
Photo by James Wheeler from Pexels I’m in a bit of a mood today. You could say that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or someone peed in my porridge. What other euphemisms can I use? When I woke up this morning, I put on my grumpy pants and my sour shoes. I did…
Identity Crisis?
Photo by Omar Houchaimi from Pexels After almost a week stuck at home, curled up in my bed, with food poisoning, I’ve finally left the nest. And that sounds grander than it actually is. I didn’t spread my wings and fly. There’s no soaring over mountain peaks or swooping through green valleys. The wind didn’t lift me high…
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