Photo by Eva Elijas from Pexels I’ve tried to write today’s post three times, but every word feels wrong or it sounds like a lie. It’s not, not really, but it isn’t…something. That undefinable spark that tickles my mind and gives me a buzz. When the words flow, the ideas come, and it feels like tiny bolts of…
The Flutter-By Effect
Photo by Pixabay from Pexels I think, at some point, my friends and family will stop talking to me altogether. They’ll get annoyed, become guarded, and watch what they say around me. Neither of us knows which conversation or offhanded remark will inspire one of these posts. It’s a crapshoot, but here we go again. You’ve gone done…
215 & Counting
Photo by Brett Sayles from Pexels I’m taking a deep breath in and blowing it out slowly. My heart is incredibly heavy right now. My mind is trying to process the unfathomable, and the inexcusable. A tragedy was exposed but, it's something many have known, feared, for decades. Their voices have been silenced and ignored. It’s a painful…
As Long As I Keep Moving?
Photo by Jayant Kulkarni from Pexels If you’ve read some of my last few posts, then you know that I’ve been stuck in a mental fog. It's a storm that rages and then whimpers. There are times when I think it's clearing up, and I feel intense relief. Maybe I’ll finally get out of it for good? Well,…
Letting Myself Be Happy On A Grumpy Morning
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels We just had a long weekend here in Canada. It was Victoria Day or, if you’re in Quebec, Journée nationale des patriotes (or Fête des Patriotes). I had to look that up. I didn’t know French Canadians celebrated a different holiday so, I just learnt something. Yay, knowledge! It makes sense, I suppose. If…
Life’s Unfair And Then What?
Photo by jorien Stel from Pexels When was the first time you realized how bitterly unfair life was? That’s a chipper question. Nary a gloomy sentiment to be found. A touch of cynicism? Perish the thought. It’s a simple query to start your week off right and bright. So, how old were you when you realized that fairness…
Into The Fog Once More
Photo by João Cabral from Pexels I woke up an hour before my alarm and stared at the wall. It was too early to get up but too late to go back to sleep. I don’t understand people who hit the snooze button. How do you fall asleep so easily? And how do you sleep for ten minutes…
Taking Advice From A Couple Of Stoners
Photo by Marani Ceja from Pexels Last weekend, I was standing on my balcony, sipping a cuppa tea and half-listening to my neighbours have a chat. No, I wasn’t snooping or being noisy. They were quite exuberant and, by their second joint, extremely boisterous. They were inebriated but in a jolly sort of way. It was a happy…
Spoiler Alert: I Turned Left
Photo by Erik Mclean from Pexels After a few weeks stuck inside my 800 square foot apartment, I’m free to roam. I’m wearing clothes that weren't meant for sleeping— uh, ew— lacing up my shoes, leashing up my dog, and walking out my front door. Oh, the glorious freedom is sweet and delicious. The possibilities are endless. I’m…
Are You Screwing With Me?
Photo by Pixabay from Pexels Not to harp on the fact that I’ve been sick— it’s starting to sound a little woe is me, ew— but I’ve been unwell for a bit. I’m feeling so much better than I was, and every day I feel a little stronger. It will be over soon, and I can put this…
So, Who Do I Listen To?
Photo by Rakicevic Nenad from Pexels Ah, fresh air and sunshine. Is there anything better? The birds are chirping loudly in the trees. The smell of barbecues being lit for the first time in many months. A fresh breeze rustles the leaves. Walking a well-worn bath with your dog leading the way. As the song says, these are…
Can we take our what-ifs and turn them into why-nots?
Photo by Pixabay from Pexels A couple of weeks ago, I told you that I got food poisoning from a rogue avocado, that cad. I started to get better, and I was excited to sit on the deck, under the budding willow, basking in the spring sunshine. It was lovely, I was hopeful, so naturally, my body decided…
Sometime I Want To Be An Asshole
Photo by Elizaveta Dushechkina from Pexels Straight up, I’m way too passive-aggressive to be a complete asshole. All of my ass-like moments have been accidental or triggered by exhaustion and/or extreme hunger. I always feel horrible after the fact and spend way too much time apologizing because I’m not that person. Well, not on purpose, and I’ll try…
Stumbling Across Tranquillity
Photo by James Wheeler from Pexels I’m in a bit of a mood today. You could say that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or someone peed in my porridge. What other euphemisms can I use? When I woke up this morning, I put on my grumpy pants and my sour shoes. I did…
Identity Crisis?
Photo by Omar Houchaimi from Pexels After almost a week stuck at home, curled up in my bed, with food poisoning, I’ve finally left the nest. And that sounds grander than it actually is. I didn’t spread my wings and fly. There’s no soaring over mountain peaks or swooping through green valleys. The wind didn’t lift me high…
At The Mercy Of The Normal
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels These last few days have been a blast, and I mean that literally. Well, almost? Fine, I'm stretching the definition and adding a hefty dollop of hyperbole. I’m taking a certain degree of creative license with my current situation. If I can’t laugh about it, then I might just…
Facing The Fear In The Ordinary
Photo by Сергей Катышкин from Pexels Well, that was stressful! I don’t know why it made me sweat in unfortunate places. I’m genuinely surprised that I didn’t turn into a puddle. It was close. If I had to wait in line any longer? Well, we don’t pay janitors enough, and they’re all heroes. Do you get unreasonably worked…
Moments Of Unexpected Nostalgia
Photo by Anton H from Pexels My dad and I were just talking about good gospel music. Not the droning melodic hymns we mindless sang in church every week. The same eight songs cycled through the rotation. Do all churches do that? Play the same songs week after week until the lyrics don't sound like words anymore. Which…
Half-Vaxxed and Dodging Hippos
Photo by Miguel Á. Padriñán from Pexels It happened! It finally happened. I got my very first COVID-19 vaccine. I’m so happy, relieved, and overcome with so many complicated emotions. Mostly, I’m so damn grateful to be able to get my first jab. I want to hug every scientist, researcher, and person that kept them caffeinated. Oh, and…
Exhaustion Versus A Global Pandemic
Photo by KEHN HERMANO from Pexels Here we go again, my friends. Where I live, we’ve entered another lockdown, and I’m just thrilled. Overjoyed. Absolutely giddy and overcome by bitter sarcasm. Again? Seriously? I’m mean, duh, we all saw it coming. Our numbers are spiking dramatically, and something has to be done. Safety first and all that. But…
Making Mistakes And Paying It Forward
Photo by Polina Zimmerman from Pexels My brother sent me a silly meme the other day. It was a satellite image of the giant container ship that was stuck in the Suez Canal. The caption read, “At least your biggest mistake can’t be seen from space.” Haha, yeah, I’ve never done anything that bad. Poor bastards! Oh, I’ve…
I’m Just Not Going To Adult Right Now
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon from Pexels *Warning: This one is…Yeah, I don’t know either.* I told you that I want to take life a little less seriously, right? So, uh, I’m going to share a very odd craving. It’s more of an urge to do something bizarre, ridiculous, and I don’t know where’s it coming from. It’s really…
Why So Serious?
Photo by BROTE studio from Pexels It’s 6:30pm, and I just walked through my front door. I took the leash off my dog, and gave him a treat for being a good boy. Well, mostly good with a dash of mischievousness. The wind kicked up a lot of smells. How could a dog resist so many sniffs? Impossible!…
A Little Honesty and A Moment Of Vulnerability
Photo by Bianca Salgado from Pexels I currently have three documents open on my computer. Each one has a half-written post that I can’t finish. Every time I try to write, I get this sinking feeling in my stomach. It’s a tight, clenching panic that screams no, don’t do it! Do what exactly? Write, think, or ask another…
Chronic Pain And The Power Of Sucking It Up
Photo by Ferdinand Studio from Pexels Wait! Just wait. Please don’t question my sanity or kick me to the curb until I have a chance to explain the obvious, albeit tame, clickbait title. It’s not what it sounds like, all judgemental and what-not, and I don’t believe that you have to suck anything up. Somethings can’t be pushed…
Inner-Strength Where You At?
Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash.com If you had to define inner-strength, what would you say? Standing your ground when your back is up against the wall. Life is coming at you fast and ruthless, but you don’t blink. Is it a strong sense of self and not giving a crap what anyone thinks about…
The Upside Of Spending A Year In Isolation?
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels It’s March again, and I just realized that it’s been one year since COVID went global. The first case of the virus was detected in my province on January 28, 2020, and we entered our first lockdown in early March. I think. That sounds about right. The weather matches, so that’s gotta be…
You Should Be Better Than This By Now
Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on unsplash.com I have a question for all of you who, like me, have a hard time letting go of a painful past. It could be one event that shook you to your bones. It could be a series of horrible events. It could be something so embarrassing you wished you…
Can I Trust The Voice In My Head?
Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash.com The hardest thing about coming back after a vacation is getting the brain working again. It was only a week, and I’ve already forgotten how to type, spell, compose prose. What is punctuation? I gently slap my cheeks to wake up and remember how this thing is supposed to…
I Took A Week Off And…
Photo by Jan Huber on Unsplash.com I haven’t written a word in a week and, my goodness, was it necessary. I can’t tell you how much I needed this break! My mind was fried, words became sharp blades, and the mere thought of writing brought tears to my eyes. I just couldn’t do it. I…
Take Time Off? But I Gotta Get Sh!T Done!
Photo by Gratisography from Pexels Today, as I’m putting these words on this page, is a provincial holiday. It’s Family Day, which sounds like a made-up holiday. Aren’t all holidays made up? Sure, but this one feels like an arbitrary day off. It was thrown in to bridge the gap between Christmas and whatever comes next. Spring break?…
I’m Weak But What’s Wrong With That?
Photo by Alex Andrews from Pexels When I was six, my family went to a summer camp in Manitoba, Canada. We stayed in a cabin filled with moths about the size of my face. Did you know that moths were prodigious breeders? Who knew something so small could lay so many eggs? It was truly remarkable! My mom…
What Do You Do When Your Emotions Are Too Much?
Photo by stein egil liland from Pexels It’s absolutely freezing! We’re trapped inside of a polar vortex that’s turning the world into an ice cube. No, wait, that’s the cheesy movie I accidentally started watching. How do you accidentally watch a movie? Insomnia opens weird doors at odd hours, and that leads to peculiar discoveries. Sometimes those peculiarities…
The Origins of Aliens and Other Coping Strategies
Photo by Michael Herren from Pexels I’ve mentioned this before, I dedicated a whole post to it, but I’m not a hugger. It goes beyond not liking it or finding it peculiar. I have a strong visceral reaction to a hug from a stranger. My throat clenches, my pupils dilate, my muscles tighten, and I become as stiff…
It’s Time To Stop Apologizing
Photo by fotografierende from Pexels I was in the elevator, the door opened, and I started to walk out but stopped abruptly. Someone was standing there, waiting to get on, and we began to move at the same time. We both let out a startled, oh! and jumped back. There was an awkward moment of silence, and then…
Is It Ever Okay To Give Up?
Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels “Just existing on some days is more than enough. The flowers do it every day and they add beauty to the world just by being here.” — Nikita Gill (@nikita_gill on Instagram) I haven’t started one of these things with a quote in a while, but this one stopped my scrolling finger…
Early Morning Brooding and Bombastic Emotions
Photo by Ben Blennerhassett on Unsplash.com My alarm is supposed to go off in about 55 minutes, but here I am, wide awake. It’s still dark outside, and I think the sun might be too tired to rise. I can hear raindrops hitting the windows with a ferocity that’s quite startling. It sounds like tiny…
It’s A LASAGNA Damn It!
Photo by Dương Nhân from Pexels I wrote that title for one person and for one reason. It’ll make her laugh. That’s it. That's the only reason I did it. I want her to read this, shaking her head, and chuckling. If she mutters, I can’t believe you did it? I've earned some bonus points, and I'm patting…
And Now For A Brief Respite
Photo by Skitterphoto from Pexels I try to stay informed about world events because that’s what grown-ups do, or some nonsense like that. I check out the news and treat my brain to a daily dose of WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON! I question our longevity as a species and my own sanity. When that joyful and…
A Moment Of Insecurity
Photo by Denys Argyriou on Unsplash.com Every once in a while, I like to start this by saying that I have nothing to say. My mind is blank. Words are hard. Who will read this? Well, you are, and I’m grateful. No, seriously, I am immensely grateful despite the sentence I’m about to write. The…
I Had My Doubts But There You Were
Photo by Ava Sol on Unsplash.com I’ve been trying very hard to keep my Cynic under control, but it’s becoming a challenge. My Cynic, and yes, it's an entity unto itself, likes to run wild, wreak havoc, and be a general nuisance. Sure, it can be endearing and quirky. It can even be cute and…
Four Words That Can Save A Life
Photo by lalesh aldarwish from Pexels I can’t stop thinking about the words of one of my favourite poems. It was written by one of my favourite writers, and when I'm in a mood, it's the piece of writing that can lift my spirits. I first heard Maya Angelou read her poem, Still I Rise, in a grade…
Follow The Yellow Brick Road
Photo by Pixabay from Pexels There’s a lot of tension in the air right now. A nervous energy is shooting an electrical pulse through all living things. Can you feel it too? It tingles, burns and my muscles are twitching, flexing, getting ready for… What? There’s an itchiness, a need to move, go, do something but, again, what?…
Why Is It So Hard To Do Nothing?
Photo by Pixabay from Pexels I had a plan for today, and it was so simple. I’d even call it elegant in its pure modesty. That being said, it wasn’t something I entered into casually or without a great deal of thought and internal debate. I struggled, wrestled with the idea until its necessity became too compelling to…
Sitting In The Dark Feeling A Little Crazy
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels Well, hello darkness, my old friend and confidante. Funny seeing you here, at this time of night, in the middle of a wind storm. It’s a bit too nippy to be wondering about, don’t you think? Shouldn’t you be tucked away in bed where it’s warm, snuggly, and drowsy? But here you are!…
When Did I Become Scared Of You?
Photo by Callie Gibson on Unsplash.com Well, how about we process some thoughts and feelings in real-time? That sounds like fun! And it always works out so well. I’m sitting at a garage, waiting for my car to be serviced, and it’s the strangest sensation. It feels wrong. It feels like I’m breaking at least…
Just Give It A Break
Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels The last few days, months really, have been quite heady, and my head is feeling the strain. It’s an overworked muscle in need of a rest day. Can the brain pull a hammy or experience a Charlie-horse? No, that’s just silly and anatomically incorrect, but it’s a similar sensation. It’s like brain…
The Truth Is Complicated
Photo By Markus Winkler on Unsplash.com Okay, this is not what I sat down to write today. I was going to write something light and fun because the last couple of posts have been a bit heavy. I need light, fluffy, fun so, I thought you might need it too. Then I turned on the…
The Battle Between Reality And Fantasy
Photo by Mudassir Ali from Pexels The holidays are over, and I’m trying to get my brain out of the land of daydreams, fantasies, and impetuous optimism. I don’t want to completely vacate that wonderful slice of paradise because let’s face it, the real world is cold, dark, and kind of ew. Those fantasies inspire a brash yet…
