I’m the type of person that gets lost in daydreams. I spend hours staring up at the sky. My happy place is curled up with a decent story or walking alone on a quiet trail. I’m a thoughtful, sensitive, introvert who’s comfortable with the silence.
I also talking about geopolitics and the complexities of international trade. I want to hear different points of view. Hearing how you see the world fascinates me. It intrigues and, at times, baffles me. I still enjoy listening to different voices sharing complex ideas.
These opposing sides of my personality conflict with the way the world operates. Conversations, for example, rarely involve a peaceful exchange of ideas. We’re not sipping espresso in the study. Civil discourse flowing while the fire flickers lazily. Holding onto an opinion with a firm grip but an open mind. Ready to learn. Prepared to defend. Ah, the fine art of debate!
The dialogue starts casually but it quickly picks up momentum. Faces flush, sweat glistens, and fists clench. It reaches its peak with phrases like: “Only an idiot would believe…” Or, “How stupid do you have to be…”
My tender heart calls it arguing.
Some people call it an intellectual exchange.
Quiet voices are drowned out by those who’s ability to scream is all they need. The balled-up fists a sign of strength and therefore validity. Red, sweaty, faces with clenched jaws and squared shoulders? That’s someone who knows what they’re talking about! Just look at the absolute certainty of their convictions. Passion equals righteousness.
When these discussions start, I fold inwards and will my body to disappear. I can’t keep up. Not because I’m doltish or don’t have an opinion. I do! I have things to say and questions to ask. These are important issues and I want to learn. There are causes I’m passionate about. I have opinions, but my voice is too soft. My heart is too delicate.
I’m not loud enough, strong enough, to venture onto their battlefield. Their voices rise and I become quiet. Their fists clench and I hug myself tight. Sweat clings to their faces and tears cling to mine.
Some live for the fight.
Sometimes, I think the fight could kill me.
I know what you’re going to say! I’ve already heard it. Toughen up, sweetheart. Grow a thicker skin. This is how the world works. Keep up or get outta the way.
Get out of the way. Yeah, I tried that. I’ve hidden in my dreams. I’ve disappeared into my stories. I’ve gotten lost on my quiet trails. I’ve let the world pass me by because clearly I’m unworthy. I can’t yell. My fists don’t clench. You can hurt me. You’re not safe.
I believe that words matter. They have power. They can make people bleed. They take peoples lives. We use them as weapons to protect our thick skins. We hide behind them because that’s the way the world works.
Except, when we break it all down, there’s one thing we all want: We all want to be heard. We need to feel heard. We need that connection. It’s how we become better versions of ourselves. It’s how we will, hopefully, move past our difference and create a better world for everyone.
Having a soft voice and a tender heart doesn’t make our need to be heard any less valid. It doesn’t mean we don’t have anything to say. We have opinions, feelings, thoughts about the world around us, but the world around us is just too loud.
We all have this innate need to prove that we’re smarter, better, stronger, faster. Why can’t we stop and listen? No, we don’t have to agree with each other. We don’t have to accept the other person’s point of view. Hell, we don’t have to like what’s being said or like the person speaking.
But we can listen without surrender. We can hear each other without losing our way. There can be disagreement but why does it have to lead to a victory? One walks away a winner. The other? At some point, we need to stop and look at the bloody mess and decide if it’s worth it.
Maybe it is! Some things are worth bleeding for but what if there’s another way? What if we can change the means and get to the same end?
If we all want to be heard, why don’t we try to listen? Fight our base instincts and shut our mouths long enough to hear each other out.
Don’t listen for our cue to interject with a witty rebuttal. Hear the words. See the person. Disagree without tearing each other down. Try to understand and if we can’t do that, then show an ounce of respect. Maybe even in a little compassion.
If you’d like, share your thoughts in the comment below and I’ll do my best to hear you out.