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So This Is How It ends…For Now
I don’t know how to start this post. I’ve written and rewritten the first sentence a dozen times. Every time I sit down to write this, I hesitate. Is it a rash decision? Am I making a mistake? No, I know this is what I need to do, and this decision is the right one.… Read more
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I’m Sorry I Can’t Adult Right Now
Should we take bets on whether or not I get this done and post it online? It’s anyone’s guess, and the odds are evenly split. I don’t even know what I’m going to say or why I’m saying anything at all. Write an entire post with words that make sense? Place your bets. Place your… Read more
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A Very Taurus Thing To Say
It’s my birthday today! Correction, by the time you read this, it will have been, gone, and went. Bye-bye, see you next time. Keep walking. Go on, a little further. Further. More. No, you’re still not far enough. Go another eight kilometres, turn left, and f**k right off. Birthdays, they just keep coming and overstay… Read more
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Three And A Half Minutes
It’s a silly little thing that seems so trivial. If I’m being objective, there’s a chance that it’s completely immaterial. Am I making a thingy out of a what-cha-ma-call-it? Quite possibly, but that’s what we do here. Dance with life’s curiosities until the night grows old and our bones grow weary. Was that too dramatic?… Read more
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A Twisted Act Of Love
I feel like I’m walking through a daydream, and I really need it right now. The sun is shining, and that’s a bit of a surprise. Moments ago, the clouds were heavy, and thunder shook the sky. I bit my lip and waited for the lighting, but there wasn’t a light show. Next time, perhaps?… Read more
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A Green Light Kinda Day
I need to shake off the fog and reignite something that resembles a giddy-up, so I’m going to do something out of character. I’m going to actively seek out the good and blatantly ignore the rest. Fingers in ears, hum a song from The Greatest Showman and stare straight ahead. No distractions or deviations. This… Read more
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A Writer Versus A Week Of Silence
I tried, I really did, but the more effort I gave it, the worse it got. Words felt thick, heavy, yet hollow. Thoughts refused to form, and when they relented, it was gutless. They had no heart, feeling, or anything worth sharing. My fingers moved slowly across the keyboard as if they were fighting the… Read more
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Willy Wonka Eat Your Heart Out
Spring is in full effect, which means, where I live, the grey clouds are heavy, and their payload crashes down like waves against a cliff. It’s wet, muddy, and I could take a bath in the puddles. Would it be unreasonable to take a bottle of shampoo outside, wash, rinse, and repeat for the best… Read more
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Let The Fuckening Begin
The words are on the tips of my fingers, but I don’t want to jinx it. Not that I believe in such things. Well, I don’t think I believe in them. Then again, I have to acknowledge a simple truth. There’s more going on in the universe than I can fathom. It would be arrogant… Read more
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What If This Is The Simulation?
Okay, this will be a weird one but hear me out. I’m sure I’ll have a point to make by the end. Well, I hope there’s a point to this. Right now, all I have is a silly flight of fancy. It’s a whimsical notion that has an ounce of reason, a touch of madness,… Read more
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A Writer In Wonderland
It’s a lazy day so let’s see where this goes. Do I have any ideas? Nope. Do I have anything to say? Absolutely not. Will that shut me up and send me back to bed? Nah, I’ve got too many thoughts buzzing around my head. As much as I’d like to nap, the loud hum… Read more
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Is This Who We Want To Be?
There’s been a bubble of anger sitting in the pit of my stomach for a few weeks. I’m trying to ignore it because it isn’t helpful. There’s nothing I can do about the root cause of this emotion. The issue is bigger than one person, and I don’t know if there’s an easy solution. Perhaps… Read more
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A Little Black Rain Cloud
There are a lot of thoughts, feelings, and contradictions bouncing around in my brain. They’re all vying for an ounce of attention, but they won’t give me a chance to think. Shut up, let me figure this out. Just, shush! Is one louder than the others? Hm, perhaps the voice screaming, I’m stuck. Frozen. Stagnated.… Read more
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When One Story Ends
I don’t think it’s a unique thought to have. We’ve all, at some point in our lives, wondered about it. The depth and severity might vary, but it’s a very human thing to ponder. At least, I assume it is, but you know what they say about assumptions. In an attempt to avoid looking like… Read more
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So, That Voice In Your Head?
The sun had set, and twilight was starting to fade. Darkness was rolling in, and with it came the fog. It was chilly, damp, and brr. However, after nearly two weeks of quarantine, it felt amazing. More than that, it felt like I could literally and metaphorically breathe again. I was finally free to get… Read more
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Pity Party For One
I’m going to start this with two simple words: I tried. I really did. There was a lot of dodging and weaving. I ducked and covered. Well, mostly covered because it’s required and, well, science. I wouldn’t call myself a master of combat. I wouldn’t compare my stealth to that of the majestic bobcat— I… Read more
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Pressure Like A Drip
It was an unfortunate decision that I regret immensely. Well, no, that’s being dramatic. It’s more of a moderate discomfort that left me with a disturbing thoughts and feelings. What was I thinking? I knew it would be a mistake before I did it. Did that stop me? No, it did not. Once again, I… Read more
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Do You Believe In Magic?
I don’t know how I did it or what I did exactly, but I’ve injured my back. The reason I’m telling you this isn’t sympathy or something more vulgar like woe is me. As pitiful as I might feel, I respectfully request that all pity be reserved for small animals in shelters or squirrels who… Read more
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Respectfully,2021, F**k Off
Do I say it? Should I risk it? The words are traditional, and tis the season, after all. It would be rude if I didn’t do it, but it feels incredibly reckless. Recklessly optimistic, and I might be a little too gun shy for something like that. Oo, I should say it, but I can’t,… Read more
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So This Is Christmas
By the time you read this, Christmas will be a memory. I’ll be curled up on my couch, chastising myself for eating so much and thinking about leftovers. The post-festive haze will have set in, and I’ll be incapable of completing a single thought. Ah, yes, blissed out and lost in a mild comatose state.… Read more
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A Little Bit Of Normal
I did a thing, and it felt a little strange. More than that, it felt kind of wrong in a weird sort of way. It wasn’t bad! I didn’t break any laws. It wasn’t anything dramatic. It was actually a simple thing that should be normal. It used to be the most normal thing I… Read more
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Oh What A Glorious Feeling!
When I was a kid, there was no better feeling than waking up, and seeing a blanket of snow on the ground. I’d jump out of bed and run downstairs to the tv room. There would be a bubble of giddy excitement and the kind of hope only a child can muster. It’s that pure,… Read more
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Oh No, My Brain, It’s Broken
Tragedy befell me this morning, and I may never recover. If I do? I’ll never be the same again. Oh, the horror, the heartbreak, the over-dramatization. Fine, it wasn’t that bad. In the grand scheme of my mortal existence, it was a minor inconvenience at best. However, in the wee hours of yet another stormy… Read more
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When The Water Rises
In what might be the biggest understatement I can muster, it’s been a hell of a couple weeks here in British Columbia, Canada. We received a month’s worth of rain in forty-eight hours. Levees broke as creeks turned into rivers, and rivers became lakes. Cities had to be evacuated, lives were lost, and so were… Read more
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I Don’t Mean To Yell But…
There’s only one thing people are talking about right now. All conversations start with the same question, and it spirals from there: Have you looked outside? The weather, it’s madness, isn’t it? Can you believe it? Better stay inside until it passes. If it passes. Damn, this weather, right? We’ve been hit by one storm… Read more
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And Time Stopped
I woke up Saturday morning, rolled over in bed, and opened one eye. The curtains were cracked wide enough to get a glimpse of the outside world, and what I saw made me groan with disappointment. Heavy, dark grey clouds hung low in the sky. The wind sent pellets of rain into the window with… Read more
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A Pleasant Sadness
The wind is howling, the rain is bucketing down, and I’m snuggled under a fluffy blue blanket. There’s a fire flickering in the fireplace— where else would it be, doh— and I’m overwhelmed by a lazy nostalgia. Silly memories are popping up out of nowhere. Some are so obscure I don’t know where they were… Read more
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The Fragility Of Hope & Goldfish
Am I the only one who has a love/hate relationship with hope? Or is it a love to hate kinda thing? Either way, we see its value and appreciate its place in the human experience. If nothing else, it’s like a warm blank and a hot cup of tea on a stormy day. It brings… Read more
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What If It’s Not That Bad?
Summer days were winding down, and there were storm clouds on the horizon. It was the last hurrah for a lot of people and a long-overdue one for me. How long had I talked about coming here? Months! All summer, in fact, but it turned out to be a no good, horrible three months so,… Read more
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Something Happy This Way Comes
Something truly remarkable happened last week. Perhaps that’s a tad bit of an overstatement, but I was beginning to think it would never happen again. A relic of a lost age. A tradition of a bygone era. A story we tell future generations, and they say we’re just making stuff up. Put on the costumes,… Read more
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A Love Letter of Sorts
My dearest friend, All I want to do is fix this situation, help you and make it all better. If only I could find the right words, but there are no words that will conjure up pure magic. There’s no place for what limited physical prowess I possess. There’s nothing I want more than to… Read more
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I Feel Human Again
It’s a silly thing, really. I’m not usually the type of person who gets excited about this sort of thing. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, and I certainly don’t want to come across as some sort of a condescending jerk. If it’s your thing? All the joy to ya. I don’t get worked… Read more
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Love Is A Curious Thing
This might be a strange thing to admit, but it’s not the craziest thing I’ve copped to on this space. There are three words I struggle to say to people outside of my immediate family. I think I experience the emotion behind these words, but I’m not entirely convinced. I might’ve inadvertently began transitioning into… Read more
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I’ll Self-destruct In…
I can guarantee you that I’ll make at least one crucial mistake before the day is over. Actually, I’ve already made it so, we’re off to a great start. I’m really selling myself, right? Thankfully I’m not marketing myself as a, uh…Lifestyle thingy? I almost typed another word that starts with a G and ends… Read more
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From Your Lips
Fun fact about me: I’m a bundle of contradictions. I’m an extroverted introvert in the right circumstances. I believe in God but rely heavily on science, logic, and reasoning that’s firmly outside of traditional religion. I’m deeply spiritual, but I’m an extreme cynic. If there’s a reason to doubt, no matter how small, I’ll latch… Read more
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I Have No More F**ks To Give?
There’s this new term floating around. It’s one of those fancy media terms that looks good in a headline or tagged online. You’ve probably heard it too. It’s everywhere. It’s been on the news, trending on socials, and it’s in just about every article written about this pandoodle. No, I won’t stop calling it a… Read more
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But What Does It Feel Like?
You asked, and I’m going to do my best to answer a difficult question. What does it feel like to have a mental illness? Whew, okay, let me take a deep breath and… I don’t know what to say right now. My mind is blank except for the hum of anxiety that I can’t control.… Read more
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So I Did A Thing
I did a thing I shouldn’t have done. I’m filled with regret, and I might’ve called myself an idiot several times. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What were you thinking? The devil made me…No, you can’t blame the devil for this one. He didn’t make you do it. You made a choice while in complete-ish control of… Read more
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I Gotta Be Honest
How about a moment of honesty and complete transparency? That should be fun and not at all awkward. One of these days I’ll learn to keep my mouth shut or my fingers still. One day, but today is not that day. Besides, I feel like I owe you a little bit of personal truth so,… Read more
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We’re Cowards & F**k Ups But At Least We Try
If there’s a way to screw a good thing up, I’m going to find it. Relationships, hobbies, new opportunities to move my life forward. It doesn’t matter what it is. As long as it has the potential to be good, then I’m going to f**k it up. I don’t mean to do it, honest. I… Read more
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On The Edge Of Mount Doom
Do you ever feel like your brain has been thrown into a washer/dryer and put on an aggressive spin cycle? It’s not trying to get out deeply set stains or add extra fluff to the squishy bits. We’re not quickly warming up a blanket on a cold day. It’s scorching hot, erratic, and someone threw… Read more
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There’s A Squirrel In My Brain
I think the title says it all. This one is going to be, well, I don’t know. Hold on to your toenails. It might get weird. As a general rule, if you have to ask if it’s weird, it probably is, and that’s not a bad thing. As someone who identifies as a weirdo, I… Read more
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Sensing A Memory
Is there a perfect moment you want to relive? I’m not talking about the monumental events that are obvious. It’s the small ones that, at the time, don’t seem significant. Those times come back at random moments, and you have to ask where they came from. Small, trivial, insignificant moments that you would live over… Read more
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Five Little Words
*Trigger Warning: This post talks about suicidal thoughts. If you need help, please reach out. You are loved and you are needed.* There are things we’re not supposed to say out loud. Thoughts that we can’t voice because no one will understand. Certain ideations are so taboo that admitting we have them is wrong. It’s… Read more
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How’d I Get Here?
Have you ever arrived at your destination and thought, how’d I get here? It’s not amnesia, and you didn’t get conked on the head. Nothing dramatic happened. You got your things, grabbed your keys and walked out the door. The next thing you know, you’re walking into your target location. When you were getting ready… Read more
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Oh No, I’m So High (Story time)
Wait, it’s not what it sounds like. Well, it is, but it isn’t. It was perfectly legal, and it was kind of an accident. Except, I didn’t trip and, oops, ingest something I shouldn’t. I made a choice based off of sound medical advice. The real problem was, I wasn’t prepared for the outcome. And… Read more
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Crying Is Doing Something
It’s fair to say that I’m prone to fits of dramatic overstatements. You could accuse me of using exaggeration as punctuation, and there would be no argument. It’s true, I tend to be a little much sometimes, but this is not one of those times. In this case, I think it’s reasonable to call this… Read more
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Abandon All Hope?
It’s hard to see a way out. You might even say that it’s impossible so, why even try? I can hear the replies now. They’re the same ones I’ve heard a hundred times. Nothing is impossible if you have faith. Hope is never a fool’s errand. Keep going, don’t give up because something good is… Read more
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I Should’ve Be Offended
At least once a month, I have to go to an office and drop off some paperwork. It’s not typically the kind of thing I get excited about. Paperwork? Arg, it’s more like make-work, am I right? Grumble, curse, and irritably mumble under my breath. It’s the kind of thing that I put off until… Read more
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So, What Do I Do About It?
I’m experiencing a reoccurring thought that’s a bit confusing and quite out of character. It’s new, and it came out of nowhere. There I was, minding my own business, and it felt like someone threw something at me. It hit me right between the eyes, and I was startled, to say the least. But now… Read more
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