Recovering Human Being
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Abolishing The Always
As a general rule, I choose to live my life in that awkward grey space that sits between two extremes. Life, as I’ve experienced it, isn’t all white or all black. It’s rarely all good or all bad. Most of the time, my journey has been a mix of bleeding watercolours that have created an… Read more
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Finding Happy: In A Needle?
First off, that title, it’s not what it sounds like. I assure you it’s perfectly innocent. It’s as innocent as Christmas and Santa Clause, which is an odd comparison for me to make. If you know me, then you know I’m not a fan of the holidays. I don’t dislike them, and I don’t hate… Read more
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Yeah, I Don’t Know Either
This is your one and only warning! You can’t say it didn’t happen. It was literally the first sentence I typed. Prepare yourself for copious amounts of mental vomit. An expulsion of— Well, I don’t know either, but I can tell you that I’m having a moment of petulance. I’m staring at this blank page… Read more
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We Need To Stop Saying This
Just don’t say it, please. Please, I’m begging you don’t let these words come out of your mouth. Yes, I’m talking to myself as much as I’m saying this to you. I’m guilty! I’ve let the words spill out of my mouth in an attempt to help comfort someone else. I’ve said them to myself,… Read more
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Finding Happy: On A Frustrating Day
A few hours after my epic, and misguided, hike last weekend, the provincial government put parts of my province on lockdown. Confirmed cases are going up, and my region is topping the list. We’re number! Where’s my foam finger? Too bad it’s not the middle finger because that would perfectly express my feelings right now.… Read more
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Correction: I’m A Coward
The clouds hang heavily in the sky, and rain batters the world below. The wind rustles the trees, and the trees let out an ungodly howl. A single crow clings to a barren branch of a lonely oak, and caws in defiance. The technicolour world fades to black and white as a three-note musical score… Read more
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We Won’t Forget You!
Remembrance day has come and gone. For a moment, at the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, we stop what we’re doing for a moment of silence. We honour the men and women who’ve sacrificed so much for the freedoms, rights, privileges that we take for granted. We thank them for… Read more
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Finding Happy: On A Lonely Trail
I woke up early on Saturday morning and crawled out of bed. Now, I’m not a morning person, so there was a groan, a sigh, and I questioned my sanity. This is a day when sensible people sleep in and slowly start their weekend. Me? I was getting up with the sun and getting ready… Read more
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The Problem With Self Help
I’m writing this on Saturday, just before noon, so, um, oops. Turns out I’m a tiny bit of a liar because here I am, doing the thing I said I wouldn’t do today. In my last post, I expressed my exhaustion and my overwhelming frustration with life. I’ve run out of emotions! I didn’t know… Read more
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Note to Self: It’s Okay To Take A Break
I’m so distracted and out of focus. I can’t hold onto a thought, let alone follow it to a logical and meaningful conclusion. Sure, my attention span is woefully lacking on a good day. It’s so short, calling it a span seems like a gross overestimation of my ability to process real-time information. A span… Read more
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Finding Happy: On The Streets of Paris
I’m feeling a little claustrophobic, and I’ve climbed the walls two dozen times in the last week alone. The restlessness is making my knee bounce up and down. There’s an itch I can’t scratch because flexibility is a myth. Or, I’m too tightly wound to be bend over backwards and kiss the sky. That big… Read more
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You Can’t Complain!
Oh, I beg to differ, and I’m mildly offended. You’re seriously underestimating my abilities. What’s this “can’t” word you speak of? It does not compute, register, or sound like a word spoken in the queens English. I can’t, allegedly, complain? Girrrl. Boyyy. Um, insert your preferred pronoun, and own it loud and proud, my friend.… Read more
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Well That Was Refreshing
A few days ago, I posted a picture on Instagram wearing a mask and hashtagged it wear your damn mask. It’s not a political statement. The only agenda I’m pushing is one where I don’t die from the thing that I cannot mention. You know it. You hate it as much as I do. I… Read more
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Finding Happy: In A Few Tea Leaves
I decided that this was the perfect time to go out into the world in hope of Finding Happy because it’s a snappy title. Also, I really want to live a happier life, and right now, I’m not entirely sure what that means or what makes me happy. The best way to figure that out,… Read more
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The Internet Is A Weird Place!
How long has this inter-webs thing been around? Not long enough? Too long? Has it overstayed its welcome, or is it just getting warmed up? Let’s start a post with half a dozen questions because everyone loves a pop quiz first thing in the morning. Start your day with a cup of coffee (or tea),… Read more
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But You Almost Died!
Oh, the drama of a near-death experience. The intense rush of complicated emotions. The heart-racing fear. The mad dash to a hospital where a dozen people paw at your body as you lay there, helpless. If you’re lucky, at some point, you might hear a choir of angels and have a moment of clarity. The… Read more
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There’s A Glass On A Table
There’s an empty glass sitting on a table, and someone walks over with a jug of water. They start to pour the water, and we sit there, transfixed. We watch the clear liquid cascade out of the jug like a waterfall in miniature. Water hits the bottom of the glass. It splashes, almost violently, against… Read more
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I Was Today Years Old
Did you know that there are people in this world that wake up with a smile on their face? Their alarm goes off, they fling off the blanket and look at the sun streaming through their curtains. They sigh, not out of exhaustion or exasperation, but contentment. They feel rested and ready. It’s another day,… Read more
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A Realist Walks Into A Magical Forest
The wind is howling outside my window. I think the building just shuddered or was that a flinch? The glass is rattling. The trees are bending and twisting. How can something so sturdy bend like that? Do they practice yoga when we’re not looking, or is it a more primordial art? They have to do… Read more
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A Very Different Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving! A day of feasting, laughing with family, and taking a moment to genuinely give thanks for the good things in life. Also, it’s a day to be super lazy, watch stupid movies, and test the durability of that waistband. Is it as stretchy as they advertised? Is that a challenge? Well, consider the… Read more
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Facing The End Of The World With Cynicism
I read a quote that said something like, and I’m paraphrasing, a skeptic would ask God for their identification. I’m sure this person was trying to make a very insightful point, or simply aiming for pithy or piety. There’s a place for that, I guess. Who am I to judge? Nobody. I’m nobody at all.… Read more
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And Pivot!
So, this is different. Mondays have a certain structure to them, and I’m acting like it’s any given Tuesday. What’s wrong with me? Have I no sense of decorum? Do I have little regard for schedules? Am I oblivious to the comfort found in routine? I love a schedule, and my daily routine is so… Read more
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The Eviction Of My Own Mind
Three weeks. I was locked up, alone with my thoughts, for three whole weeks. Thanks a lot, COVID! Being sick sucked. Punch the ‘s’ and draw out the ‘ucked.’ It’s not fun. It’s not a vacation. Sure, I watched copious amounts of content on numerous streaming services. I didn’t shower for four days straight. My… Read more
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Tubes In Holes To Motivate Your Monday?
“Real courage is when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.” — To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee There’s absolutely no reason to put a single word on a single sheet of paper. There’s even less reason to keep doing it until the words,… Read more
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As Controversial As A Porg
I’m going to say something so controversial that I think some of you might never talk to me again. There will be rage, hurt, and maybe some tears. Strong emotions. Overwhelming? Perhaps, but just know that your feelings are valid. How you express these feelings might need some fine-tuning. Yell into a pillow and not… Read more
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Spritually Unenlightened
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders. — Jewish Proverb Um, if I’m being honest, I wouldn’t mind a lighter burden. If my shoulders get any broader, the hip to shoulder ratio will be way off. I’m going to get too top-heavy and topple over. Even if I managed to stay… Read more
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A Case Of The Wibbly Wobbilies
Time. A swirling vortex of mass, substance, and neon luminescent gas. Ever-changing, evolving, turning itself inside and out. A chameleon and a con man. The good guy and the villain. The hero and the arch-nemesis. All-consuming and apathetic. It is everything and it is nothing at all. An illusion. A game. A lie, but one… Read more
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The Meaningless Meaning Of An Outbreak Monkey
“Life has to be given a meaning because of the obvious fact that it has no meaning.” ― Henry Miller I’ve been stuck in a time loop for a few weeks so maybe this is coming from a place of madness, loneliness, or too much alone time with my demons. Isolated in my eight hundred… Read more
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The Cripple Versus The Zombie Apocalypse
*Before I get into today’s post, I want to take a minute to remember the lives lost and the lives changed nineteen years ago. 9/11 is a painful anniversary for so many of you and the constant reminder, constant coverage, can make it worse so I’ll keep it short. Please know that you’re in my… Read more
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The Existential Crisis Of Chipmunk Urine
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” ― Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul I struggle to consolidate the differences between what I expected from life and how life has turned out. The dreams I had when… Read more
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A Moment of Pettiness And Petulance
I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to sit down and write. I don’t think I have anything to say that will be of value or contribute to the greater discourse. At least, not today. Today, I’m not feeling that great physically or mentally. My body hurts, my heart aches, and I just… Read more
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It Doesn’t Have To Be A Genie In A Lamborghini
One can pay back the loan of gold, but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind. – Malayan proverb The call had come late in the afternoon, the previous day, and we’d been waiting in the hospital ever since. Six hours. Ten hours. The hands-on the clock ticked away loudly. It was… Read more
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First World Smudges
Damn it, I have to clean my glasses again. It’s the pandemics fault! No, I’m not being ridiculous. You’re being ridiculous. What? I don’t know! Before this, I didn’t have to wipe smudges off my glasses nearly as often. Now, every ten minutes there’s a new smudge. I blame the mask I have to wear.… Read more
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Blessed To Be Weird?
“Blessed are the weird people. Poets, misfits, writers, mystics, painters, & troubadours; for they teach us to see the world through different eyes.” – Jacob Nordby, Blessed Are The Weird: A Manifesto For Creatives. I’ve said this before, but in case you’re new or have a memory like mine: I’m weird and awkward. No, it’s… Read more
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A Discovery Of Locution
Words are hard. That’s it, that’s all I wanted to say so, good night. I should probably write more than fourteen words, right? Oo, look at that, I’m at twenty-three…No Thirty. Can I just fill up this entire post with a running word count? Has anyone done that? If so: ballsy. Has anyone read that… Read more
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At The Risk Of Being Cancelled
“Saints are sinners who kept on going.” – Robert Louis Stevenson How bored are you right now? On a scale of absentmindedly channel surfing to reorganizing your kitchen cupboards for the fourteenth time. Where are you sitting? Somewhere in the middle? Like, what, mop the floors, or try a new banana bread recipe? It had… Read more
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All I Need is A Good Reason, A Fedora, & A Theme Song
Does everything happen for a reason? Does there have to be a reason? We go looking for one like we’re treasure hunters with noble intentions. Looking for lost artifacts and glittering coins in a far off jungle. Hacking through the overgrowth, undergrowth, ingrown toenails with machetes. Toss snakes off of our shoulders and kick tarantulas… Read more
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Nothing But An Alien Etch-A-Sketch
“I remember a friend many years ago who had taped a sign to his refrigerator: There’s a dream dreaming us. If you try to think about what that means it makes your mind silly, but that silliness is good.” ― Natalie Goldberg, Wild Mind: Living the Writer’s Life I’ve often wondered if I’m just a… Read more
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Quite Accidentally Controversial…Oops!
Ah, that awkward moment when you realize you have two beliefs, opinions, ideas that completely oppose each other. They sit comfortably on a spectrum but firmly on the farthest ends. Good twin? Bad Twin? Separated at birth? I always wanted a twin, but my mom wasn’t up for a do-over. Claimed it, “Wasn’t medically possible.”… Read more
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Spilled Tea and Angry Ostriches
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.” ― E.E. Cummings Is it wrong to say that anyone who uses the word “Sheeple” loses approximately… Read more
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This Side Of The Story Is Too Taboo So Share
So, you’ve been having a rough time and you get up the courage to let it all out. You find a friend that you trust and love. Someone who loves you, wants the best for you, and is an all-round good soul. They listen, hold your hand, and they cry with you because seeing you… Read more
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I’m Sorry To Inform You That I’m Not Sorry At All…Except
“I lied and said I was busy. I was busy; but not in a way most people understand. I was busy taking deeper breaths. I was busy silencing irrational thoughts. I was busy calming a racing heart. I was busy telling myself I am okay. Sometimes, this is my busy -and I will not apologize… Read more
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A Quick Note
Hey everyone, I’m sorry, but there won’t be a post today. Two days ago I experienced a pretty gnarly allergic reaction. While the worst symptoms have subsided, I’m still struggling. My chest is clearing up, and I can breathe without pain. That’s a big relief! My eyes, however, are still swollen and my vision is limited. Everything looks snowed over and writing this much is a challenge. I’m taking medication, it’s working, but it’s making me drowsy and nauseated. I’m getting better! I’ll be fine in a few days, but I need to take some time to rest and let my body heal. It’s had two blows in the last ten days. It needs rest. I need to rest. Hopefully, I’ll be back on… Read more
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Black Holes and Hungry Hippos
“There’s always failure. And there’s always disappointment. And there’s always loss. But the secret is learning from the loss, and realizing that none of those holes are vacuums.”– Michael J. Fox This weekend, for the first time in months, I had plans that didn’t involve ordering pizza and scrolling through various streaming services. I was… Read more
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The Rickety Old Boat Is Sinking!
I wouldn’t call myself a hoarder. At least, not in the clinical sense or in a way that would get me cast on some “reality” show. When you walk into my place, you won’t find mountains of boxes, old newspapers, or a maze of dead and useless artifacts. You won’t hear distant sounds of gnawing… Read more
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Chasing The Happy Hit
“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” – Omar Khayyam So, I did something this weekend that I haven’t done in months. The last time I did it was way back in February. I think it was the last weekend in February? That’s, what, five months of not doing it? I can’t… Read more
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Panic, Patriotism, and Purple Penguins
I woke up this morning in a panic. One minute I was dead to the world. The next minute I bolted out of bed as if my sheets were molten lava. I stood there muttering, “Oh crap,” over and over again. My eyes blinking wildly. Focus. Focus. Is that the time? Oh crap! I ran… Read more
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Shut up! I love you.
“We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives.” ― John F. Kennedy Yesterday marked the thirteenth anniversary of my kidney transplant. Thirteen years. I’m actually shocked. It’s hard to believe so much time has passed. I know it’s a cliché, but where did the time go? It… Read more
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A Genuine Menace
I should’ve just gone back to bed. I should’ve called it a day. Hidden somewhere safe. Zipped myself up in a bubble suit, and rolled into a padded broom closet. I know it’s usually a room but, in a pinch, the minimalistic solution will work just fine. Mm, yeah let’s go with a closet with… Read more
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Yeah, You Can Milk A Beaver!
“Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.”– Stephen King I’ve been trying to write this post for a couple of hours now and all I have are a whole lot of words on a page. They aren’t horrible words. They make sense and are, for… Read more
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