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Featured
Pressure Like A Drip
It was an unfortunate decision that I regret immensely. Well, no, that’s being dramatic. It’s more of a moderate discomfort that left me with a disturbing thoughts and feelings. What was I thinking? I knew it would be a mistake before I did it. Did that stop me? No, it did not. Once again, I… Read more
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Do You Believe In Magic?
I don’t know how I did it or what I did exactly, but I’ve injured my back. The reason I’m telling you this isn’t sympathy or something more vulgar like woe is me. As pitiful as I might feel, I respectfully request that all pity be reserved for small animals in shelters or squirrels who… Read more
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Respectfully,2021, F**k Off
Do I say it? Should I risk it? The words are traditional, and tis the season, after all. It would be rude if I didn’t do it, but it feels incredibly reckless. Recklessly optimistic, and I might be a little too gun shy for something like that. Oo, I should say it, but I can’t,… Read more
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So This Is Christmas
By the time you read this, Christmas will be a memory. I’ll be curled up on my couch, chastising myself for eating so much and thinking about leftovers. The post-festive haze will have set in, and I’ll be incapable of completing a single thought. Ah, yes, blissed out and lost in a mild comatose state.… Read more
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A Little Bit Of Normal
I did a thing, and it felt a little strange. More than that, it felt kind of wrong in a weird sort of way. It wasn’t bad! I didn’t break any laws. It wasn’t anything dramatic. It was actually a simple thing that should be normal. It used to be the most normal thing I… Read more
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Oh What A Glorious Feeling!
When I was a kid, there was no better feeling than waking up, and seeing a blanket of snow on the ground. I’d jump out of bed and run downstairs to the tv room. There would be a bubble of giddy excitement and the kind of hope only a child can muster. It’s that pure,… Read more
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Oh No, My Brain, It’s Broken
Tragedy befell me this morning, and I may never recover. If I do? I’ll never be the same again. Oh, the horror, the heartbreak, the over-dramatization. Fine, it wasn’t that bad. In the grand scheme of my mortal existence, it was a minor inconvenience at best. However, in the wee hours of yet another stormy… Read more
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When The Water Rises
In what might be the biggest understatement I can muster, it’s been a hell of a couple weeks here in British Columbia, Canada. We received a month’s worth of rain in forty-eight hours. Levees broke as creeks turned into rivers, and rivers became lakes. Cities had to be evacuated, lives were lost, and so were… Read more
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I Don’t Mean To Yell But…
There’s only one thing people are talking about right now. All conversations start with the same question, and it spirals from there: Have you looked outside? The weather, it’s madness, isn’t it? Can you believe it? Better stay inside until it passes. If it passes. Damn, this weather, right? We’ve been hit by one storm… Read more
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And Time Stopped
I woke up Saturday morning, rolled over in bed, and opened one eye. The curtains were cracked wide enough to get a glimpse of the outside world, and what I saw made me groan with disappointment. Heavy, dark grey clouds hung low in the sky. The wind sent pellets of rain into the window with… Read more
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A Pleasant Sadness
The wind is howling, the rain is bucketing down, and I’m snuggled under a fluffy blue blanket. There’s a fire flickering in the fireplace— where else would it be, doh— and I’m overwhelmed by a lazy nostalgia. Silly memories are popping up out of nowhere. Some are so obscure I don’t know where they were… Read more
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The Fragility Of Hope & Goldfish
Am I the only one who has a love/hate relationship with hope? Or is it a love to hate kinda thing? Either way, we see its value and appreciate its place in the human experience. If nothing else, it’s like a warm blank and a hot cup of tea on a stormy day. It brings… Read more
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What If It’s Not That Bad?
Summer days were winding down, and there were storm clouds on the horizon. It was the last hurrah for a lot of people and a long-overdue one for me. How long had I talked about coming here? Months! All summer, in fact, but it turned out to be a no good, horrible three months so,… Read more
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Something Happy This Way Comes
Something truly remarkable happened last week. Perhaps that’s a tad bit of an overstatement, but I was beginning to think it would never happen again. A relic of a lost age. A tradition of a bygone era. A story we tell future generations, and they say we’re just making stuff up. Put on the costumes,… Read more
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A Love Letter of Sorts
My dearest friend, All I want to do is fix this situation, help you and make it all better. If only I could find the right words, but there are no words that will conjure up pure magic. There’s no place for what limited physical prowess I possess. There’s nothing I want more than to… Read more
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I Feel Human Again
It’s a silly thing, really. I’m not usually the type of person who gets excited about this sort of thing. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, and I certainly don’t want to come across as some sort of a condescending jerk. If it’s your thing? All the joy to ya. I don’t get worked… Read more
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Love Is A Curious Thing
This might be a strange thing to admit, but it’s not the craziest thing I’ve copped to on this space. There are three words I struggle to say to people outside of my immediate family. I think I experience the emotion behind these words, but I’m not entirely convinced. I might’ve inadvertently began transitioning into… Read more
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I’ll Self-destruct In…
I can guarantee you that I’ll make at least one crucial mistake before the day is over. Actually, I’ve already made it so, we’re off to a great start. I’m really selling myself, right? Thankfully I’m not marketing myself as a, uh…Lifestyle thingy? I almost typed another word that starts with a G and ends… Read more
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From Your Lips
Fun fact about me: I’m a bundle of contradictions. I’m an extroverted introvert in the right circumstances. I believe in God but rely heavily on science, logic, and reasoning that’s firmly outside of traditional religion. I’m deeply spiritual, but I’m an extreme cynic. If there’s a reason to doubt, no matter how small, I’ll latch… Read more
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I Have No More F**ks To Give?
There’s this new term floating around. It’s one of those fancy media terms that looks good in a headline or tagged online. You’ve probably heard it too. It’s everywhere. It’s been on the news, trending on socials, and it’s in just about every article written about this pandoodle. No, I won’t stop calling it a… Read more
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But What Does It Feel Like?
You asked, and I’m going to do my best to answer a difficult question. What does it feel like to have a mental illness? Whew, okay, let me take a deep breath and… I don’t know what to say right now. My mind is blank except for the hum of anxiety that I can’t control.… Read more
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So I Did A Thing
I did a thing I shouldn’t have done. I’m filled with regret, and I might’ve called myself an idiot several times. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What were you thinking? The devil made me…No, you can’t blame the devil for this one. He didn’t make you do it. You made a choice while in complete-ish control of… Read more
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I Gotta Be Honest
How about a moment of honesty and complete transparency? That should be fun and not at all awkward. One of these days I’ll learn to keep my mouth shut or my fingers still. One day, but today is not that day. Besides, I feel like I owe you a little bit of personal truth so,… Read more
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We’re Cowards & F**k Ups But At Least We Try
If there’s a way to screw a good thing up, I’m going to find it. Relationships, hobbies, new opportunities to move my life forward. It doesn’t matter what it is. As long as it has the potential to be good, then I’m going to f**k it up. I don’t mean to do it, honest. I… Read more
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On The Edge Of Mount Doom
Do you ever feel like your brain has been thrown into a washer/dryer and put on an aggressive spin cycle? It’s not trying to get out deeply set stains or add extra fluff to the squishy bits. We’re not quickly warming up a blanket on a cold day. It’s scorching hot, erratic, and someone threw… Read more
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There’s A Squirrel In My Brain
I think the title says it all. This one is going to be, well, I don’t know. Hold on to your toenails. It might get weird. As a general rule, if you have to ask if it’s weird, it probably is, and that’s not a bad thing. As someone who identifies as a weirdo, I… Read more
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Sensing A Memory
Is there a perfect moment you want to relive? I’m not talking about the monumental events that are obvious. It’s the small ones that, at the time, don’t seem significant. Those times come back at random moments, and you have to ask where they came from. Small, trivial, insignificant moments that you would live over… Read more
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Five Little Words
*Trigger Warning: This post talks about suicidal thoughts. If you need help, please reach out. You are loved and you are needed.* There are things we’re not supposed to say out loud. Thoughts that we can’t voice because no one will understand. Certain ideations are so taboo that admitting we have them is wrong. It’s… Read more
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How’d I Get Here?
Have you ever arrived at your destination and thought, how’d I get here? It’s not amnesia, and you didn’t get conked on the head. Nothing dramatic happened. You got your things, grabbed your keys and walked out the door. The next thing you know, you’re walking into your target location. When you were getting ready… Read more
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Oh No, I’m So High (Story time)
Wait, it’s not what it sounds like. Well, it is, but it isn’t. It was perfectly legal, and it was kind of an accident. Except, I didn’t trip and, oops, ingest something I shouldn’t. I made a choice based off of sound medical advice. The real problem was, I wasn’t prepared for the outcome. And… Read more
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Crying Is Doing Something
It’s fair to say that I’m prone to fits of dramatic overstatements. You could accuse me of using exaggeration as punctuation, and there would be no argument. It’s true, I tend to be a little much sometimes, but this is not one of those times. In this case, I think it’s reasonable to call this… Read more
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Abandon All Hope?
It’s hard to see a way out. You might even say that it’s impossible so, why even try? I can hear the replies now. They’re the same ones I’ve heard a hundred times. Nothing is impossible if you have faith. Hope is never a fool’s errand. Keep going, don’t give up because something good is… Read more
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I Should’ve Be Offended
At least once a month, I have to go to an office and drop off some paperwork. It’s not typically the kind of thing I get excited about. Paperwork? Arg, it’s more like make-work, am I right? Grumble, curse, and irritably mumble under my breath. It’s the kind of thing that I put off until… Read more
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So, What Do I Do About It?
I’m experiencing a reoccurring thought that’s a bit confusing and quite out of character. It’s new, and it came out of nowhere. There I was, minding my own business, and it felt like someone threw something at me. It hit me right between the eyes, and I was startled, to say the least. But now… Read more
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It Was Just A Hug But…
Something wonderful happened, and I can’t believe I’m using that descriptor. As I type these words, I’m overcome by shock, and I chuckle out loud. It’s one of those laughs that sounds a bit maniacal. It’s like I’m a villain in an old-timey cartoon, and I just confessed my sinister plan to a captured undercover… Read more
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So, What Will It Be?
Go with me on this for a minute or five. Picture yourself talking to your doctor, and they give you some news. It’s not great news. In fact, it borders on awful, but then they say that it’s a 50/50 split. We don’t know which way this will go or how it will turn out.… Read more
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Ten Seconds At A Time
Do you ever experience an acute awareness of the simple fact that you’re a person? That’s a weird question. Of course, we know, intellectually, that we’re human beings and that we actually live, breathe, and experience life on many different levels. There’s no reason to question that, is there? You and I exist in this… Read more
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Can I Think Myself Happy?
I’ve been told that I need to think more positively, and it will change my life. You can’t hear it, but I just let out a scoffing laugh. Ha! Thanks for the helpful suggestion. I put it right next to all the other helpful advice. Like, let’s see here, drilling a hole in my head… Read more
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I’m Definitely Not Going To Hell For This…?
Do you ever sit down to have a conversation, and then it takes an unexpected turn? It starts off nice and calm. It’s actually pleasant and enjoyable. Then, without warning, you’re wondering if hell is a real place, and if this is your one way ticket? Maybe you wonder out loud, how the hell did… Read more
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The Existential Bard
Do you think we’re all here for a reason? From conception, birth, and through all the years leading to this moment, was it all predestined? There’s a divine plan at play and, just like every good theatrical performance, every character matters. As the saying goes, there are no small parts, only small actors. Is that… Read more
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Are You Afraid Of The Dark?
*Warning: This one get’s weird* So, it’s well past midnight, and I need to go to bed. I’m tired, it’s been a long day, and I should curl under the covers and go to sleep. My eyes are closing on their own. I can barely concentrate on these words. I think my brain has already… Read more
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It’s Just One Of Those Days
I’ve tried to write today’s post three times, but every word feels wrong or it sounds like a lie. It’s not, not really, but it isn’t…something. That undefinable spark that tickles my mind and gives me a buzz. When the words flow, the ideas come, and it feels like tiny bolts of lightning are shooting… Read more
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The Flutter-By Effect
I think, at some point, my friends and family will stop talking to me altogether. They’ll get annoyed, become guarded, and watch what they say around me. Neither of us knows which conversation or offhanded remark will inspire one of these posts. It’s a crapshoot, but here we go again. You’ve gone done and did… Read more
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215 & Counting
I’m taking a deep breath in and blowing it out slowly. My heart is incredibly heavy right now. My mind is trying to process the unfathomable, and the inexcusable. A tragedy was exposed but, it’s something many have known, feared, for decades. Their voices have been silenced and ignored. It’s a painful truth about our… Read more
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As Long As I Keep Moving?
If you’ve read some of my last few posts, then you know that I’ve been stuck in a mental fog. It’s a storm that rages and then whimpers. There are times when I think it’s clearing up, and I feel intense relief. Maybe I’ll finally get out of it for good? Well, that’s unlikely, but… Read more
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Letting Myself Be Happy On A Grumpy Morning
We just had a long weekend here in Canada. It was Victoria Day or, if you’re in Quebec, Journée nationale des patriotes (or Fête des Patriotes). I had to look that up. I didn’t know French Canadians celebrated a different holiday so, I just learnt something. Yay, knowledge! It makes sense, I suppose. If you’re French,… Read more
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Life’s Unfair And Then What?
When was the first time you realized how bitterly unfair life was? That’s a chipper question. Nary a gloomy sentiment to be found. A touch of cynicism? Perish the thought. It’s a simple query to start your week off right and bright. So, how old were you when you realized that fairness was an allusion… Read more
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Into The Fog Once More
I woke up an hour before my alarm and stared at the wall. It was too early to get up but too late to go back to sleep. I don’t understand people who hit the snooze button. How do you fall asleep so easily? And how do you sleep for ten minutes then wake up… Read more
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Taking Advice From A Couple Of Stoners
Last weekend, I was standing on my balcony, sipping a cuppa tea and half-listening to my neighbours have a chat. No, I wasn’t snooping or being noisy. They were quite exuberant and, by their second joint, extremely boisterous. They were inebriated but in a jolly sort of way. It was a happy high that’s amusing… Read more
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Spoiler Alert: I Turned Left
After a few weeks stuck inside my 800 square foot apartment, I’m free to roam. I’m wearing clothes that weren’t meant for sleeping— uh, ew— lacing up my shoes, leashing up my dog, and walking out my front door. Oh, the glorious freedom is sweet and delicious. The possibilities are endless. I’m positively skipping, prancing,… Read more
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