Recovering Human Being
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Please, Don’t Pity Me
Dread crawls up my spine like a snake wrapping itself around a tree branch. It clings to my bones. I feel its muscles flex as it holds on for dear life. It lifts its head, its tongue laps up the air, and it waits. There’s a strong breeze. It’s bitter but sweet. There’s a ripple… Read more
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The Storytellers Lies
“I could no longer discern what was real and what was fake. Everything, including the present, seemed to be both too much and nothing at all.” ― Clemantine Wamariya, The Girl Who Smiled Beads: A Story of War and What Comes After I enjoy a good conspiracy theory but it better be well thought out. If… Read more
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Can You Zip That Up, Please?
Do we dare to compare our scars or our pain? Is it measuring contest? Do you have a ruler or should I find one? We can whip it out right here if that will make you feel better. On the count of three? One…Two…Hold up, this is just silly! Do we really have to do… Read more
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On The Winds Of Nowhere
“He’s a real nowhere man, Sitting in his Nowhere Land, Making all his nowhere plans for nobody. Doesn’t have a point of view, Knows not where he’s going to, Isn’t he a bit like you and me?” ― The Beatles, Revolver, Vocal Score I have nothing to say. Maybe I should just post that one sentence… Read more
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Forgiving The Unforgivable
To forgive may be divine but, for us mere mortals, is the divine even possible? Should all things be forgivable or is there a line that can’t be crossed? A line we can’t come back from? Are there things that are simply unforgivable? Do I really need to forgive to move on or can I… Read more
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Nobody Panic But…
As a rule, what is out of sight disturbs men’s minds more seriously than what they see. ~Julius Caesar I have a very active imagination. Vivid imagery whips around my mind as if it’s caught in the winds of a hurricane. Short stories, memories, ideas, and my deepest fears collide. They shatter into a million… Read more
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Take Your Time…We’ll Wait
So this is still a thing you’re doing? After all this time, it’s still bothering you? Really? I don’t mean to be rude, but don’t you think it’s time you just got over it? I mean, come on, it’s been…How long? Right, and you’re still moping around like a child that’s lost its teddy bear.… Read more
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Take Courage In The Silence
“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” – Winston Churchill The yelling is getting out of control. Voices on top of voices, screaming opinions that are barely discernible. The volume gets turned up a notch with every new chorister added to… Read more
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A No Good, Terrible, Very Bad Day.
I used to live in blissful ignorance. Way back in the day, when my eyes were more innocent, I saw the good in the days ahead. Hope pranced through wildflowers. The sweet aroma of optimism filled the air. Endless possibilities danced on a gentle spring breeze. To be young and foolish. To slip on those… Read more
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Raging Sh!t Storm
“It is okay to lose your sh!t sometimes because if you keep your sh!t, you’ll end up full of sh!t and then you’ll explode and there’ll be sh!t everywhere. A sh!t storm. And nobody wants that.” – Unknown When was the last time you sat on the kitchen floor, curled up in the bathtub, or… Read more
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The Downside Of Hope
There’s one word I’ve used quite a lot lately and that’s: Hopeless. A feeling that’s often considered a negative emotion that should be driven out by rainbows, unicorns, and reckless optimism. It’s seen as something that needs to be cured with haste lest it run wild. Left untreated it becomes a cancerous growth that destroys… Read more
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What Are Friends For?
“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.” ― Groucho Marx It was a bad idea. A horrible idea. Nothing good was going to come from this idea. I knew it. I said… Read more
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And A Good Friday To you Too!
This weekend means different things to different people. A religious holiday that celebrates death, resurrection, sacrifice, and salvation. A bunny that hops around, laying eggs in strange places, and a scavenger hunt. Copious amounts of chocolate, a dinner with the family, and a few days off work. Different strokes for different folks. Whatever tickles your… Read more
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What Is Right Or What Is Easy?
“We must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.” ― Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter by J.K Rowling My dad used to say something similar, “The right things is rarely the easy thing to do but it’s the only thing we can do.” Since Dumbledore and my dad agree it must be… Read more
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Thoughts From The In-Between
(Fair warning: This post will be all over the place because my mind is experiencing zero G’s and I don’t have much control over it.) I’ve sat down to write this post a half dozen times over the last three days but every word I type feels disingenuous. They aren’t wrong and the topics really… Read more
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Yellow Polka Dotted Submarine
“It’s really a wonder that I haven’t dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.” ― Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl Does anyone else feel like we woke… Read more
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I’m Fine…Thanks For Asking
Someone asks me how I’m doing, and I say, “I’m fine.” It’s a normal response to a typical question. Nothing fancy or verbose. It’s not an epic soliloquy. We aren’t meticulously detailing every second of a day that’s been pretty basic. Not a great day but not a bad one either. It was just, you… Read more
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The Indescribable Power of Gratitude
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses.” ― Alphonse Karr, A Tour Round My Garden I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. There’s one topic on everyone’s mind and on everyone’s lips. Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest…I didn’t know there were that many ways to decorate… Read more
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The Power of Loneliness
I’m an introvert with moderate, sometimes severe, social anxiety. The idea of social isolation is as intriguing and alluring as a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Stay away from people? Don’t go to social gatherings? Stay home, behind closed doors, and not see another human being for at least two weeks?… Read more
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Winnie The Pooh! We Need You!
“You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.” – Winnie the Pooh Oh to be a three years old again! Sitting in a small theatre, watching a life-size Winnie the Pooh and Friends dance across a stage. It was the first musical theatre show I ever saw and I… Read more
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Do I Still Believe In God?
Someone asked me this question: “After everything you’ve been through, do you still believe in God?” Whew, that’s a loaded topic. Kinda top heavy. I’m not sure how to answer you but I’ll try my best. Forgive me if I stutter and stumble. Deep breath. Here we go. I believe in a greater power, and… Read more
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I’m Not Lost; Just Wandering
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost.” -J.R.R Tolkien, The Fellowship of The Ring I’m not lost! I’m standing right here, in the middle of a forest, looking up at the treetops and thinking silly thoughts. Thoughts like: What do you think the trees have seen in the… Read more
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I Can’t Stop Should-ing All Over Myself
Let’s take a walk, shall we? Not through the forest, along a beach, or up a mountain. The trails we tread won’t be firm or formed by shifting tectonic plates. It won’t be lit by the sun or a street lap. It’s deep inside an ill-traversed cavern full of wonders and dangers. It goes deep… Read more
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Listening To Better Angels
“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it sows perhaps the greater.” – J.R.R Tolkien (Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring) It’s hard for me… Read more
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Do You Love Your Scars?
Do I love my scars? Yes, most of the time I do, but maybe love is a strong word. I’m not enamoured with these lines on my skin. When I look at them, I don’t feel an intense euphoria and an unconditional affection. My heart doesn’t skip a beat, and my stomach doesn’t twist itself… Read more
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But Still I Smile
“The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief.” – William Shakespeare, Othello I have this weird…twitch? Is that the right word? Habit? Quirk? Compulsion? Whatever it is, it’s peculiar, and it freaks some people out. The worse the situation; the more I smile. The sadder I am; the harder I laugh. Jokes, sarcasm, witticism… Read more
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I Can’t Adult Right Now!
I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING! Where did that come from? Is my caps lock is stuck again? Weird. Thought I got that fixed. My bad. Sorry for yelling. It’s not my style but every once in a while it sorta just slips out. Kinda like…Nope let’s leave that one alone. So many way’s it… Read more
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Chasing Normal
“If you’re always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be.” Maya Angelou Sometimes I feel like a mannequin in the window of some low rent shopping centre. This anthropomorphized doll with incredibly realistic features. People stop and stare. They squint and turn their heads to the side. They… Read more
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What Does It Feel Like?
Mental illness is hard to understand if you’ve never struggled with it. It’s even harder to explain when you’re in the middle of the darkness. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to find a way to explain what it feels like to fight a mental illness. Friends, family, have asked but I haven’t been… Read more
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Only A Squirrel Can Save Us Now!
“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.” ― Desmond Tutu I wonder, if we stand on our heads will the world be the right way up? If we close our eyes, will we see more clearly? If we hold our breath, will our hearts do the talking? If we dare to dream, will our reality make more sense? If we let ourselves fall, will we find our feet? I’m in a bit of a mood. I’m frustrated with a lot of things right now. My life isn’t where I want it and I’m not sure how to get it there. Writing is hard, and I’m struggling to put these words down in an order that will make sense. All I want to do, at this moment, is quit trying and go watch Youtube for… Read more
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How do You Say Goodbye?
What if there was a way to cure your disease? It’s a simple procedure. A minimally invasive surgery. There’s no financial burden and the risks are relatively low. Recovery time isn’t that long. You could be back to your normal routine in a couple of weeks. One procedure to cure an illness that’s been threatening… Read more
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Things That Go Bump In The Night
“There’s no shame in fear, my father told me, what matters is how we face it.” – George R.R. Martin, A Clash of Kings There’s a lot to be afraid of right now. World leaders are trying to start wars. An entire country is on fire. A virus is spreading faster than scientists can find… Read more
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Is It A Stupid Question?
When we’re kids, we’re told that there’s no such thing as a stupid question. Asking questions is how we learn, grow, and connect with the people around us. We’re encouraged and rewarded for our inquisitiveness. I’ve even heard people say that it’s a sign of intelligence. The more curious we are, the further we go… Read more
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The Rewired Brain
“Did you know? You can ‘REWIRE’ your brain to be happy by simply recalling 3 things you’re grateful for everyday for 21 days.” – Unknown I saw this quote floating around online, and it irked me. There’s nothing overtly wrong with it. It’s a nice sentiment. The words come from a desire to help people… Read more
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Because We Dared To Sit
Ah, public transportation. Buses. Trains. The uncomfortable chairs coated in a sticky substance. That smell! I just don’t want to know what it is. There’s the suffocating press of bodies squeezed together. A quiet exchange of sweat that, in any other circumstance, would be disgusting. The long lines and a schedule that’s loosely based on… Read more
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All You Gotta Do Is Ask
Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. – Barack Obama Asking for help sends me into a panic and brings on the cold sweats. I’ll do everything in my power to avoid it and, yes, often to my own detriment. Thinking about it triggers my gag reflex. My breath… Read more
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The Great and Powerful IT
I’m having one of those days and IT sucks. IT’s dragging me down hard and fast. I can’t stop IT and, yes, IT could be worse. IT has been worse. I usually handle IT so much better but today? IT’s kicking my ass. The great and powerful IT. Aloof and villainous. A thief, a cad,… Read more
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My Best Friend and Worst Enemy
“You may find the worst enemy or best friend in yourself.” – English Proverb Do you like who you are? The way you look. The sound of your voice. The way you act in social situations or the way you handle stress. When you look at all the things that make you, you, are you… Read more
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Say Hello To My Little Friend
A gremlin lives in my head. His name is Stewart. I know, it’s not a very scary name for a gremlin. I think it’ would prefer something like Scar, Zeus, or The Great and Powerful Norman. Something majestic or, you know, grr. Well Stewart, my old nemesis, you can suck it! Let me backtrack a… Read more
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Miss Sunshine
“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” – Buddha When I was a kid, I won a Miss Sunshine award for always having a smile on my face. No matter what happened I smiled and laughed. Surgeries, hospital… Read more
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New Year New Me?
Happy New Year! A new year means one thing: We’ve written up our resolutions. Lose weight, spend less, save more, and a thousand other things. These lists are full of good intentions but, in the back of our minds, we know the list will be abandoned by February. It’s inevitable or maybe I’m the only… Read more
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Merry…Whatever You Celebrate!
Merry Christmas! Happy whatever you celebrate! I wish you all the sweet things like sugar and spice. I hope you have a decorated tree and lots of mistletoe. Oh, and sparkling lights hung with care. Peace and goodwill to all and to all a good season. I’ve been trying to write a post that fits… Read more
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Just Plain Peculiar
I abhor social situations. Big or small. Family, close friends, or strangers. It’s all the same. I feel an overwhelming desire to run, hide, and call my mommy. If I can get out of going then I just won the lottery. If I can’t? Well, maybe it will be fun? Cringe. Here’s the thing: I’m… Read more
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Act Your…What?
“You don’t act like a disabled person.” Um, not sure what you mean. “You need to start acting like a person with a disability.” Yeah, that didn’t clear anything up. Can you be more specific? “The way you are, the way you act, the way you live. That’s not how someone with your condition should… Read more
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Thank-you
UPDATE: Last week I ran into some problems with my web host, and I had to shut everything down. That meant finding a new host, creating a new site, and uploading all of my blogs. It’s taken a lot of time but it’s done and I’m so happy! Thank you for your patience, understand, and… Read more
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What Could Go Wrong
You had to ask! You had to say the words. Tempt fate? Why the hell not! Let’s put it out into the universe and see what happens. It’s not like the universe likes to sucker punch the foolish. Oh, wait, yes it does! It does it for the giggles. Oh, but okay, go on, give… Read more
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Just Breathe
Meditation is good for our health? Really? Shocking. Okay, it’s not breaking news. It’s a practice that’s been around for centuries. It’s proven to help with things like: Chronic pain, chronic illness, and fatigue. It can help people dealing with depression and anxiety. It can help anyone who’s looking for an overall sense of well… Read more
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Huggers! Am I Right?
They stalk their prey with wide eyes and bared teeth. Like sonar, pinging off a target, their voices rise to an octave that could break glass and shatter stone. They come closer. Circling. Cackling. Corralling their victim with glee and guile. The prey frantically searches for an escape. Their heart races. Beads of sweat roll… Read more
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Can You Hear Me Now
I’m the type of person that gets lost in daydreams. I spend hours staring up at the sky. My happy place is curled up with a decent story or walking alone on a quiet trail. I’m a thoughtful, sensitive, introvert who’s comfortable with the silence. I also talking about geopolitics and the complexities of international… Read more
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The Plague
It’s not hypochondria if you really do get sick all the time. Isn’t that what all hypochondriacs say? But it’s true! Argue with me all you like but I will not be swayed. My position is firm. My feet are grounded. I am not a hypochondriac! Yeah, I run out of a room when someone… Read more
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