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I’ll Self-destruct In…
I can guarantee you that I’ll make at least one crucial mistake before the day is over. Actually, I’ve already made it so, we’re off to a great start. I’m really selling myself, right? Thankfully I’m not marketing myself as a, uh…Lifestyle thingy? I almost typed another word that starts with a G and ends… Read more
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From Your Lips
Fun fact about me: I’m a bundle of contradictions. I’m an extroverted introvert in the right circumstances. I believe in God but rely heavily on science, logic, and reasoning that’s firmly outside of traditional religion. I’m deeply spiritual, but I’m an extreme cynic. If there’s a reason to doubt, no matter how small, I’ll latch… Read more
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I Have No More F**ks To Give?
There’s this new term floating around. It’s one of those fancy media terms that looks good in a headline or tagged online. You’ve probably heard it too. It’s everywhere. It’s been on the news, trending on socials, and it’s in just about every article written about this pandoodle. No, I won’t stop calling it a… Read more
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But What Does It Feel Like?
You asked, and I’m going to do my best to answer a difficult question. What does it feel like to have a mental illness? Whew, okay, let me take a deep breath and… I don’t know what to say right now. My mind is blank except for the hum of anxiety that I can’t control.… Read more
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So I Did A Thing
I did a thing I shouldn’t have done. I’m filled with regret, and I might’ve called myself an idiot several times. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What were you thinking? The devil made me…No, you can’t blame the devil for this one. He didn’t make you do it. You made a choice while in complete-ish control of… Read more
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I Gotta Be Honest
How about a moment of honesty and complete transparency? That should be fun and not at all awkward. One of these days I’ll learn to keep my mouth shut or my fingers still. One day, but today is not that day. Besides, I feel like I owe you a little bit of personal truth so,… Read more
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We’re Cowards & F**k Ups But At Least We Try
If there’s a way to screw a good thing up, I’m going to find it. Relationships, hobbies, new opportunities to move my life forward. It doesn’t matter what it is. As long as it has the potential to be good, then I’m going to f**k it up. I don’t mean to do it, honest. I… Read more
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On The Edge Of Mount Doom
Do you ever feel like your brain has been thrown into a washer/dryer and put on an aggressive spin cycle? It’s not trying to get out deeply set stains or add extra fluff to the squishy bits. We’re not quickly warming up a blanket on a cold day. It’s scorching hot, erratic, and someone threw… Read more
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There’s A Squirrel In My Brain
I think the title says it all. This one is going to be, well, I don’t know. Hold on to your toenails. It might get weird. As a general rule, if you have to ask if it’s weird, it probably is, and that’s not a bad thing. As someone who identifies as a weirdo, I… Read more
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Sensing A Memory
Is there a perfect moment you want to relive? I’m not talking about the monumental events that are obvious. It’s the small ones that, at the time, don’t seem significant. Those times come back at random moments, and you have to ask where they came from. Small, trivial, insignificant moments that you would live over… Read more
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Five Little Words
*Trigger Warning: This post talks about suicidal thoughts. If you need help, please reach out. You are loved and you are needed.* There are things we’re not supposed to say out loud. Thoughts that we can’t voice because no one will understand. Certain ideations are so taboo that admitting we have them is wrong. It’s… Read more
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How’d I Get Here?
Have you ever arrived at your destination and thought, how’d I get here? It’s not amnesia, and you didn’t get conked on the head. Nothing dramatic happened. You got your things, grabbed your keys and walked out the door. The next thing you know, you’re walking into your target location. When you were getting ready… Read more
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Oh No, I’m So High (Story time)
Wait, it’s not what it sounds like. Well, it is, but it isn’t. It was perfectly legal, and it was kind of an accident. Except, I didn’t trip and, oops, ingest something I shouldn’t. I made a choice based off of sound medical advice. The real problem was, I wasn’t prepared for the outcome. And… Read more
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Crying Is Doing Something
It’s fair to say that I’m prone to fits of dramatic overstatements. You could accuse me of using exaggeration as punctuation, and there would be no argument. It’s true, I tend to be a little much sometimes, but this is not one of those times. In this case, I think it’s reasonable to call this… Read more
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Abandon All Hope?
It’s hard to see a way out. You might even say that it’s impossible so, why even try? I can hear the replies now. They’re the same ones I’ve heard a hundred times. Nothing is impossible if you have faith. Hope is never a fool’s errand. Keep going, don’t give up because something good is… Read more
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I Should’ve Be Offended
At least once a month, I have to go to an office and drop off some paperwork. It’s not typically the kind of thing I get excited about. Paperwork? Arg, it’s more like make-work, am I right? Grumble, curse, and irritably mumble under my breath. It’s the kind of thing that I put off until… Read more
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So, What Do I Do About It?
I’m experiencing a reoccurring thought that’s a bit confusing and quite out of character. It’s new, and it came out of nowhere. There I was, minding my own business, and it felt like someone threw something at me. It hit me right between the eyes, and I was startled, to say the least. But now… Read more
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It Was Just A Hug But…
Something wonderful happened, and I can’t believe I’m using that descriptor. As I type these words, I’m overcome by shock, and I chuckle out loud. It’s one of those laughs that sounds a bit maniacal. It’s like I’m a villain in an old-timey cartoon, and I just confessed my sinister plan to a captured undercover… Read more
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So, What Will It Be?
Go with me on this for a minute or five. Picture yourself talking to your doctor, and they give you some news. It’s not great news. In fact, it borders on awful, but then they say that it’s a 50/50 split. We don’t know which way this will go or how it will turn out.… Read more
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Ten Seconds At A Time
Do you ever experience an acute awareness of the simple fact that you’re a person? That’s a weird question. Of course, we know, intellectually, that we’re human beings and that we actually live, breathe, and experience life on many different levels. There’s no reason to question that, is there? You and I exist in this… Read more
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Can I Think Myself Happy?
I’ve been told that I need to think more positively, and it will change my life. You can’t hear it, but I just let out a scoffing laugh. Ha! Thanks for the helpful suggestion. I put it right next to all the other helpful advice. Like, let’s see here, drilling a hole in my head… Read more
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I’m Definitely Not Going To Hell For This…?
Do you ever sit down to have a conversation, and then it takes an unexpected turn? It starts off nice and calm. It’s actually pleasant and enjoyable. Then, without warning, you’re wondering if hell is a real place, and if this is your one way ticket? Maybe you wonder out loud, how the hell did… Read more
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The Existential Bard
Do you think we’re all here for a reason? From conception, birth, and through all the years leading to this moment, was it all predestined? There’s a divine plan at play and, just like every good theatrical performance, every character matters. As the saying goes, there are no small parts, only small actors. Is that… Read more
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Are You Afraid Of The Dark?
*Warning: This one get’s weird* So, it’s well past midnight, and I need to go to bed. I’m tired, it’s been a long day, and I should curl under the covers and go to sleep. My eyes are closing on their own. I can barely concentrate on these words. I think my brain has already… Read more
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It’s Just One Of Those Days
I’ve tried to write today’s post three times, but every word feels wrong or it sounds like a lie. It’s not, not really, but it isn’t…something. That undefinable spark that tickles my mind and gives me a buzz. When the words flow, the ideas come, and it feels like tiny bolts of lightning are shooting… Read more
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The Flutter-By Effect
I think, at some point, my friends and family will stop talking to me altogether. They’ll get annoyed, become guarded, and watch what they say around me. Neither of us knows which conversation or offhanded remark will inspire one of these posts. It’s a crapshoot, but here we go again. You’ve gone done and did… Read more
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215 & Counting
I’m taking a deep breath in and blowing it out slowly. My heart is incredibly heavy right now. My mind is trying to process the unfathomable, and the inexcusable. A tragedy was exposed but, it’s something many have known, feared, for decades. Their voices have been silenced and ignored. It’s a painful truth about our… Read more
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As Long As I Keep Moving?
If you’ve read some of my last few posts, then you know that I’ve been stuck in a mental fog. It’s a storm that rages and then whimpers. There are times when I think it’s clearing up, and I feel intense relief. Maybe I’ll finally get out of it for good? Well, that’s unlikely, but… Read more
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Letting Myself Be Happy On A Grumpy Morning
We just had a long weekend here in Canada. It was Victoria Day or, if you’re in Quebec, Journée nationale des patriotes (or Fête des Patriotes). I had to look that up. I didn’t know French Canadians celebrated a different holiday so, I just learnt something. Yay, knowledge! It makes sense, I suppose. If you’re French,… Read more
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Life’s Unfair And Then What?
When was the first time you realized how bitterly unfair life was? That’s a chipper question. Nary a gloomy sentiment to be found. A touch of cynicism? Perish the thought. It’s a simple query to start your week off right and bright. So, how old were you when you realized that fairness was an allusion… Read more
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Into The Fog Once More
I woke up an hour before my alarm and stared at the wall. It was too early to get up but too late to go back to sleep. I don’t understand people who hit the snooze button. How do you fall asleep so easily? And how do you sleep for ten minutes then wake up… Read more
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Taking Advice From A Couple Of Stoners
Last weekend, I was standing on my balcony, sipping a cuppa tea and half-listening to my neighbours have a chat. No, I wasn’t snooping or being noisy. They were quite exuberant and, by their second joint, extremely boisterous. They were inebriated but in a jolly sort of way. It was a happy high that’s amusing… Read more
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Spoiler Alert: I Turned Left
After a few weeks stuck inside my 800 square foot apartment, I’m free to roam. I’m wearing clothes that weren’t meant for sleeping— uh, ew— lacing up my shoes, leashing up my dog, and walking out my front door. Oh, the glorious freedom is sweet and delicious. The possibilities are endless. I’m positively skipping, prancing,… Read more
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Are You Screwing With Me?
Not to harp on the fact that I’ve been sick— it’s starting to sound a little woe is me, ew— but I’ve been unwell for a bit. I’m feeling so much better than I was, and every day I feel a little stronger. It will be over soon, and I can put this nonsense behind… Read more
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So, Who Do I Listen To?
Ah, fresh air and sunshine. Is there anything better? The birds are chirping loudly in the trees. The smell of barbecues being lit for the first time in many months. A fresh breeze rustles the leaves. Walking a well-worn bath with your dog leading the way. As the song says, these are a few of… Read more
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Can we take our what-ifs and turn them into why-nots?
A couple of weeks ago, I told you that I got food poisoning from a rogue avocado, that cad. I started to get better, and I was excited to sit on the deck, under the budding willow, basking in the spring sunshine. It was lovely, I was hopeful, so naturally, my body decided it was… Read more
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Sometime I Want To Be An Asshole
Straight up, I’m way too passive-aggressive to be a complete asshole. All of my ass-like moments have been accidental or triggered by exhaustion and/or extreme hunger. I always feel horrible after the fact and spend way too much time apologizing because I’m not that person. Well, not on purpose, and I’ll try to eat more… Read more
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Stumbling Across Tranquillity
I’m in a bit of a mood today. You could say that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or someone peed in my porridge. What other euphemisms can I use? When I woke up this morning, I put on my grumpy pants and my sour shoes. I did the bah humbug… Read more
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Identity Crisis?
After almost a week stuck at home, curled up in my bed, with food poisoning, I’ve finally left the nest. And that sounds grander than it actually is. I didn’t spread my wings and fly. There’s no soaring over mountain peaks or swooping through green valleys. The wind didn’t lift me high up into the… Read more
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At The Mercy Of The Normal
These last few days have been a blast, and I mean that literally. Well, almost? Fine, I’m stretching the definition and adding a hefty dollop of hyperbole. I’m taking a certain degree of creative license with my current situation. If I can’t laugh about it, then I might just cry, and I cannot spare the… Read more
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Facing The Fear In The Ordinary
Well, that was stressful! I don’t know why it made me sweat in unfortunate places. I’m genuinely surprised that I didn’t turn into a puddle. It was close. If I had to wait in line any longer? Well, we don’t pay janitors enough, and they’re all heroes. Do you get unreasonably worked up when it’s… Read more
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Moments Of Unexpected Nostalgia
My dad and I were just talking about good gospel music. Not the droning melodic hymns we mindless sang in church every week. The same eight songs cycled through the rotation. Do all churches do that? Play the same songs week after week until the lyrics don’t sound like words anymore. Which was probably a… Read more
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Half-Vaxxed and Dodging Hippos
It happened! It finally happened. I got my very first COVID-19 vaccine. I’m so happy, relieved, and overcome with so many complicated emotions. Mostly, I’m so damn grateful to be able to get my first jab. I want to hug every scientist, researcher, and person that kept them caffeinated. Oh, and their families! You had… Read more
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Exhaustion Versus A Global Pandemic
Here we go again, my friends. Where I live, we’ve entered another lockdown, and I’m just thrilled. Overjoyed. Absolutely giddy and overcome by bitter sarcasm. Again? Seriously? I’m mean, duh, we all saw it coming. Our numbers are spiking dramatically, and something has to be done. Safety first and all that. But come on! I’m… Read more
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Making Mistakes And Paying It Forward
My brother sent me a silly meme the other day. It was a satellite image of the giant container ship that was stuck in the Suez Canal. The caption read, “At least your biggest mistake can’t be seen from space.” Haha, yeah, I’ve never done anything that bad. Poor bastards! Oh, I’ve screwed up plenty… Read more
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I’m Just Not Going To Adult Right Now
*Warning: This one is…Yeah, I don’t know either.* I told you that I want to take life a little less seriously, right? So, uh, I’m going to share a very odd craving. It’s more of an urge to do something bizarre, ridiculous, and I don’t know where’s it coming from. It’s really not all that… Read more
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Why So Serious?
It’s 6:30pm, and I just walked through my front door. I took the leash off my dog, and gave him a treat for being a good boy. Well, mostly good with a dash of mischievousness. The wind kicked up a lot of smells. How could a dog resist so many sniffs? Impossible! So, with little… Read more
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A Little Honesty and A Moment Of Vulnerability
I currently have three documents open on my computer. Each one has a half-written post that I can’t finish. Every time I try to write, I get this sinking feeling in my stomach. It’s a tight, clenching panic that screams no, don’t do it! Do what exactly? Write, think, or ask another question? Perhaps, it’s… Read more
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Chronic Pain And The Power Of Sucking It Up
Wait! Just wait. Please don’t question my sanity or kick me to the curb until I have a chance to explain the obvious, albeit tame, clickbait title. It’s not what it sounds like, all judgemental and what-not, and I don’t believe that you have to suck anything up. Somethings can’t be pushed aside as if… Read more
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Inner-Strength Where You At?
If you had to define inner-strength, what would you say? Standing your ground when your back is up against the wall. Life is coming at you fast and ruthless, but you don’t blink. Is it a strong sense of self and not giving a crap what anyone thinks about you? Is it all the above,… Read more
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